by Marquisha Harden
This month will bring forth another year of celebrating mothers around the world. Families will spend countless amounts of dollars on flowers, gifts, dinners, cards and many hours on the phone to express their love. Mothers who have passed away will even be celebrated for the nurture and love they spread while they were alive. Yet, there remains a group of mothers who won’t receive a call, card, or thought because someone refuses to forgive. While every mother makes mistakes, there are some who believe mothers don’t have room to fall short in ensuring their child is nurtured, guided, and loved.
Mothers need forgiveness just like everyone else. They are imperfect people who make mistakes because they love to much or not enough, they give too much advice or not enough, they overly nurture their children or they don’t. The consequences of either often leave children to believe ‘their parents just don’t understand’ or refuse to love them according to their specific needs. More often than not, the child ‘just doesn’t understand’ the emotional, physical, mental, and spiritual roller-coasters mothers manage on a day-to-day basis.
I used to believe my mother was perfect; she’s beautiful, smart, nurturing, loving, and everything I needed her to be in my early years. She taught me how to deal with children at school, she eased the issues I had about my complexion, and she always knew just want to say. She gave wisdom I believed others should have to pay for. She always knew how to sooth every need and answered every question to perfection, that is…until … she made a mistake.
For years there were times I thought I needed more from her, but she wasn’t able to give it. I never understood why at some times it seemed like the mother I held on a pedestal appeared to be working against me. It wasn’t until I took the time to understand who she is and all she had to deal with to get me here and even keep me here, that I began to appreciate her love.
Some children never take in account their mothers’ life before motherhood, or even the struggles they encounter each day. Some mothers were teen parents, raped, beaten, alcoholics, prostitutes, promiscuous, drug addicts; some may still be. That’s not an excuse, but it definitely plays a factor. While I don’t know what the issue is, God does. God knows that our mothers wear different hats as a wife, mother, daughter, career woman, student, sister, servant etc. He also knows that trying to balance all of those things will definitely leave room for error. He knows that some children will feel rejected and unloved. Some will feel forsaken and forgotten. He knew some would feel disowned and unwanted; some would feel smothered by their mothers being overprotective, etc. However, before you were even formed in your mother’s womb, God already knew the life you would have, whether you would be raised by your biological mother, family member, or an adoptive parent. In knowing all of the factors, He gave assurance to each child that ‘when my father and mother forsake me, the Lord will take me up’ (Psalms 27:10).
This does not mean we get to dismiss our mothers’ feelings or justify not wanting forgive. God also knew some children would use their mothers’ inability to love them the way they think they should be loved as a reason to hold a grudge, or dishonor them. So, He gave the command to‘honor your mother and father so that your days would be long in the land the Lord your gives you’(Exodus 20:12). Regardless of how you feel about the way you were raised, you are still held accountable for your actions, words, and feelings toward your mother. It is your responsibility to honor the woman who gave birth to you because she gave birth to God’s purpose… YOU!
You are God’s purpose and a part of God’s plan. He established a purpose within you well before you were even born, and it hasn’t stopped because you believe your upbringing wasn’t the best. It was already a part of the plan. It was a set up from the beginning! There is so much God can and will do through because of your life, but you have to be willing to forgive and let go of any ill feelings you have toward your mother. Everything that seemed to be working against you is being worked out in your favor. We are all human and subject to making mistakes in our life.
Think about some of the mistakes you’ve made as a child, teen, and adult. Think of some of the mistakes you are making or have made as parent. I’m almost certain you don’t make the mistakes because you want to harm your child. Sometimes it’s not even a mistake; it’s the child’s perception of wrong doing because they don’t understand/agree with the mother’s discipline, absence, or advice.
This year, there will be many mothers receiving thanks around the world. Make sure that you are among the children who reflect and give God praise for giving you a mother who didn’t abort His purpose. Give thanks because He kept you covered when you felt you were forgotten. Give thanks because there was only one way He chose to get you here, through your mother’s love.
Psalms 139 14-18, “I will praise you for I am fearfully and wonderfully made; Marvelous are your works, and that my soul knows very well. My frame was not hidden from You, when I was made in secret, and skillfully wrought in the lowest parts of the earth. Your eyes saw my substance, being yet unformed. And in Your book they all were written, the days fashioned for me, when yet there were none of them. How precious also are your thoughts to me O God! How great is the sum of them. If I should count them, they would be more in number than the sand; when I awake; I am still with You!”
This year take the time to get to know your mother or pray for peace about your relationship. How will you celebrate your mother this year? A little bit of flowers and forgiveness goes a very long way.
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