The Real Deal On Submission

All quotations and credit, besides the Bible, are from a sermon from my college Elder at my church Jarod Gilcher. 

I understand this is dangerous grounds to be on, talking about submission, but, please hear me out. Society, as always, has tainted the very concept that God uses to glorify Him, as a term to suppress and oppress women. 

Are We Seeking to Please God or Man?

In today’s society we have Facebook, Twitter and many other social media sites where the popularity contests of high school seem to roll on even after graduation.  We tend to try and “look good.”

Why You Are Worth the Wait

Picture this…

A man sets his eyes on you, and you can tell by his facial and body expressions that he obviously thinks you are attractive. He approaches you and starts his typical presentation of how beautiful you are and how much he wants to get to know you.

What are you thinking at the moment? “Ah, here we go…another one of “those” guys.” Another one of those guys who has the stereotypical intentions that do NOT involve anything pure, right? But maybe, just maybe, he is different. You decide to give him your phone number.

You guys start talking. He offers these empty promises that get your emotions stirred up. You start dating this guy who has proven to you that he is not like the rest of “those guys.”  You begin to think that this is too good to be true.

Within a few months he is more charming by the second.

Now all this time those protective walls you have had up—those walls that took months and months, maybe years to develop—have slowly been chiseled away. What now?

As time goes by, the more you become involved with this guy, the more bricks fall.

Suddenly the walls crumble like the walls of Jericho. The relationship has gone from holding hands, to cuddling, to kissing, to lying down with him. After it is all said and done, you are thinking:

“I should have waited.”

Yes, I am a guy. No, not all stories end like this one. But, how many times have you opened yourself up to a guy, either emotionally or physically, and regretted it later? How many times have you convinced yourself that he was “the one,” knowing in your heart of hearts that he was not?  How many times was he NOT the one?

Now, let us examine where you may have gone wrong.

Listen.

The only reason I have any idea about these circumstances is because I was on the other side of this equation. I was one of “those guys.”

Before I met Christ, I was one of those guys who whispered sweet nothings to get what I wanted at the moment. 

So on behalf of all men, I apologize to those ladies who have been hurt by men who have done things to tear down your walls and take advantage of you.  I am deeply sorry.

You are worth so much more.

No matter how much you have been hurt, you are worth so much more. Those high standards you may have set are not too high. They are just right. Those men you have turned down or have walked away because of your high standards are not worth your time.

Do not let loneliness make you compromise your standards and God-given convictions. If a man does not see the value in you just as much as God says in His word, he is not worth your time.

God thinks so highly of you, as evidenced by this scripture.

Then the LORD God said, "It is not good for the man to be alone; I will make him a helper suitable for him. Genesis2:18 (AMP)

To God, you were His choice and His remedy to cure the loneliness man was experiencing.

You are worth more than the most expensive things on earth.

Proverbs 31:10 says:

An excellent wife, who can find? For her worth is far above jewels. (NLV)

No materialistic thing is worth more than you. You are precious, valuable, and beautiful. These words are God’s view of you. Why settle for anything less?

In closing, you may be wondering how a man can possibly meet your standards and God’s words concerning you. 

The answer is, he cannot…at least not alone.

He needs the help of the same God that views you so highly. He needs the wisdom, the love, and maturity of God Himself through the Holy Spirit.

I love the quote by Maya Angelou, “A woman's heart must be so hidden in God that a man has to seek Him to find you.”

So you are probably asking, what now? What must I do?

Seek God. Focus on God. Keep falling in love with God.

Proverbs 31:30 says:

Charm and grace are deceptive, and beauty is vain [because it is not lasting], but a woman who reverently and worshipfully fears the Lord, she shall be praised! (AMP)

Instead of praying for a husband, continue to value yourself. Pray that you will maintain those high standards, and, someday, be the wife that God wants you to be.

Allow God to write your love story.

You ARE worth the wait.

About the Author :

DeVonte Howard is 21 years old, and attends Eastern Washington University and is studying Social Work with a minor in Africanna Studies and Criminal Justice. Additionally, he serves on the social media team for God Over Porn. If nothing else, he is just a product of God's grace.

Purity, Sex, Love and Everything in Between

Purity matters to me because I traded mine before I knew how precious it was. Sex has always been a very taboo topic in church conversions. Sex is this evil, horrible, wretched thing we never talk about until we get married then it changes into this awesome, amazing thing that you now get to experience within the construct of marriage. The only time I heard my youth minister talk about sex growing up is when he confronted a kid in my youth group. He confronted him wanting to guide the young man back on the righteous path and pulled him aside to tell him “don’t you know how awful sex is outside of marriage”. The kid responded “well you must be doing it wrong then”.

I have found that the advisory attacks us the most by corrupting, twisting, and bending the things God has created to be wonderful for us and turning those things into rebellion against God. One of the first commands God gave his Creation is to “be fruitful and multiply” (Genesis 1:28). Somehow, however along the way this command becomes twisted and corrupted in Sin to be something that causes us so much pain and suffering.

I was in the Army for eight years and during my first duty station assignment in Korea I found out my then high school sweetheart and girlfriend became married while I was on an oversea tour and didn’t tell me. I would wait up late every weekend to call her and talk because of the time difference and she never told me. I had to find out from a friend. That started me down an angry path that culminated in several combat tours and then getting to a place that I was so dead inside that I wanted to have sex if only to feel something.

I didn’t find out just how this would come to scare my spirit and soul. So I would like to just go over how this one act was a storm that caused me so much agony. However, partly why I write this is just to affirm that the God I love is one of forgiveness and love. If you are someone who has strayed from the path God does love you and wants you back in his court. As a young man I often thought the commandments God gave us was because he didn’t want us to do anything fun, but now I realize that it is more to prevent us from great pain and hurt.

Because of my choices my walk with God, church family, and relationships are vastly more difficult. The devil uses this to whisper lies and to make me feel shame. The devil tells me that no woman will ever love me once she finds out what I have done. He tells me that if any one in my church family knows what I have done than they will throw me out of their community. God is perfect, God forgives, but the path to forgiving ourselves is a long and difficult one. 

So now I hold this shame with me that has taken a long time to heal from. Perhaps you feel this same shame with a sin you have found yourself in and are unable to talk to anyone about for fear of how they will see you so it just sits in your soul, festers, and grows to a bigger and bigger obstacle to heal from. I have sinned and fallen short of the glory of God. It is easy to get into this mindset of ranking sin of bigger and smaller to justify your sins with “well I may do this but at least I don’t do that”. Sometimes in order to heal and get past shame you need to talk about shame because once it isn’t hidden in the dark the light can reach and heal it.

I hear a lot of things from women for the grounds they justify having sex and I just want to talk openly about of few of the struggles you may be facing. “Well if I don’t have sex with him then he will just find someone who does and he is such a great guy I don’t want to loose him”. I realize that you put so much time, energy, and thought into your relationships. It is truly an investment perhaps over years for you and since you have so much invested you don’t want to loose it. Unfortunately, women trade sex for love, and men trade love for sex. From a man, and one that tries to live a life of discipleship, if he cares about you then he cares about you enough to wait. Another one I hear a lot “well we are engaged, or, well we are almost engaged so what does it really matter”. Marriage is so difficult as it is having your relationship being one. Living in sin isn’t the way to go. If you're not following the commandments you can’t expect the blessings. It is easy to let your passions outstrip your commitments.

Finally, I just want to say if you look around and you find yourself someplace you never thought you would be, and living in sin, God does want you to come back to him. There is forgiveness and healing. There is redemption. If you have failed today, tomorrow is a new day to recommit yourself. 

We cannot change the past no matter how much we wish to but we can make another choice today. Another lie the enemy likes to tell is “you are in so deep you can never get out so you may as well not even try”. Nothing is too big for God, the Creator of every living thing. You are precious and perhaps falling into the spiral of sex and love outside of marriage has destroyed your self worth and now you believe the lie that you’re not worth anything. You may try and use sex as a reaffirmation of your value as a person, and it isn’t found in that. Your worth is found in God, taking the best from your mother and father and creating you as a unique perfect creation. God loves you unconditionally and wants to prevent you from experiencing suffering and brokenness. 

I often find myself looking into the mirror in the mornings and telling myself “Today is a new day, a day for a chance of success, love, and greatness. Today is your day to know God’s love and to share it with those around you.”

About the Author :

Nicholas Livingston grew up in the great deserts of New Mexico and left the only way he knew how by joining the Army. After eight years of combat and getting a raw deal of being sent to other deserts to fight he found his way to the south were the ice tea is sweet. Like the great Odysseus before him the journey to get home is an adventure that is filled everyday with God's love, peace, and healing.