Whole Magazine: Katelyn Bode

The Desires of Intimacy and the Distractions We Face

By design, women were created to be relational creatures. We long for intimacy. We long to be loved, to be fully known, and fully accepted for who we are. We want to possess inviting aromas; aromas that welcome people to get to know our hearts and have meaningful relationships with us. We have a desire to be desired. Does any of this sound familiar? It should. Our wiring is a direct reflection of the heart of Jesus, and His overwhelming desire for intimate relationships with us. We've been created to reflect the gentle, welcoming, alluring, nurturing, captivating, and compassionate components of the heart of Jesus. Just as much as we long to captivate, we long to be captivated. This is how we as women have been made in His image. God longs for us to desire Him. He longs to be fully loved with everything we've got, and longs for us to seek the intimacy we desire through relationship with him. However, we often find ourselves struggling to truly seek out these intimate relationships with Jesus, and it's far too easy for distance to come between us and our Heavenly Father. Here are some of the factors that distract us away from finding intimacy with Christ, and how we can draw near to Him again.

1. We feel we have to "hide" from God. Whenever we sin and fall short of God's glory time after time again, the levels of guilt and shame we feel can make us feel we have to hide. We know that we went against what our Father instructed, and therefore feel we no longer deserve to be close to God. Not only do we feel undeserving, but it is hard being close to someone we went against. There's a reason why sin separates. Imagine how challenging it would be to be intimate with a spouse if you've been hiding mistakes you made from him out of fears you don't deserve his forgiveness, or out of fearing the potential wrath? Even when Adam and Eve committed the very first sin of humanity, their first reaction was to hide from God. Genesis 3. It's hard to be intimate with someone we're hiding from. However, when we mess up, God doesn't want us to hide. He wants us to repent. Hiding distances and distracts us from intimacy, while repentance draws us back. Acts 3:19 says "Repent, then, and turn to God, so that your sins may be wiped out, that times of refreshing may come from the Lord." Once we repent, we come to realize that our God is not a God holding a lightning bolt waiting to strike us when we sin. Instead, He wants us to confess so nothing stands between us, and He ALWAYS chooses to forgive us freely and to love us unconditionally.

2. We get busy with life. It's so easy to become caught up in the business of life. Especially this time of year in December with all of the Christmas shopping, holiday preparations, and final exams for college students on top of everything else we prioritize in life. In the same way we feel a void or a sense of aching when our loved ones become too busy to make time for us, Christ's heart aches when we become too busy to make time for Him. When we become so consumed in paying the bills, meeting the deadlines, finishing the shopping, we begin to feel that same void and aching in our hearts. How hurt would you feel if your husband or dear friend whom you deeply loved never made time for you? How could that in any way strengthen an intimate relationship? An intimate relationship with Jesus takes investment, prioritizing, and discipline. If that means waking up a half hour earlier than usual in the mornings to set aside a quiet time of prayer/devotion to draw near to the Father, then I strongly encourage that. The only thing that can truly fulfill our desire to be desired is Jesus, and it's crucial we set aside time to strengthen and build our relationship with Him.

3. We seek out the wrong forms of intimacy. As women in the twenty-first century society, so much emphasis on our value is placed on how highly men desire us - which is dangerous when we long to be desired. We're taught that if we can seduce men, we'll be accepted and desired, which is what our hearts long after. For single women, this can look like devoting all our time and energy into trying to seek the attention of men, which can often lead to compromising our values, ultimately distracting us from our relationships with Christ. Remember, sin separates. It's alarming how quickly our focus can be shifted away from pursuing our fulfilling relationships with Christ to shifting towards society's distractions. Being pushed into the rapid current of dressing less to impress, and compromising our values in order to be desired by fulfilling desires of the kind of men who objectify women. For those of us who aren't yet married but have significant others, we need to guard our hearts from feeling we have to be seductive in order to be captivating girlfriends. Our true identity is found in Christ alone - not the eyes of men. Our identity in the Father says we're beautiful the way we've been created. We don't need to seek society accepting us as beautiful if the Lord of the Universe says we already have beauty just the way we are.

4. We place marriage relationships above our relationship with Christ. There is absolutely nothing wrong at all with having fully physical, mental, and emotional intimacy with your husband. In fact, God encourages and wants us to have that within the perimeters of marriage. Becoming one with your husband and creating powerful intimacy is how marriage reflects characteristics of God's love by symbolizing the body of Christ being yoked together as one. However, even when committing to spend the rest of your life to being a devoted wife to your husband, it's important to remember the relationship with Christ should still be the first priority. Even over your husband. We can easily be so caught up in the excitement of having a husband to have that desired intimate relationship with, we begin to neglect our relationship with Jesus by devoting all of our undivided efforts to our husband alone, placing him above our relationship with Christ. Then, the void in our hearts returns. Even within marriage, Christ is the only thing that can give us ultimate fulfillment and ultimate intimacy. Also, the best way to give your husband meaningful, abounding love is by loving the Father first. Learning to Love Jesus first and your husband second is a win win!

Remembering that Christ is the only true and complete fulfillment of our longings to be desired is key. Being aware of the distractions from an intimate relationship with Jesus is vital. It's highly crucial that we don't lose sight of the fact we were made by God to be loved by Him, and to love Him too. What's the key to satisfying our needs of feeling desired and to be known intimately in a healthy, promising manner? By guarding our hearts from the distractions that create distance between us and the Father. We need to be on our guards daily. A fulfilling intimate relationship doesn't come without effort. Focusing on strengthening and deepening our relationships with Christ daily truly is a thrilling component to our eternal adventure in following Jesus.

About the Author :

Katelyn Bode is a 19 year old passionate about encouraging others in hopes to expose them to the love & hope Christ has to offer to all the heart break & injustices in the world. She enjoys drumming, serving as a camera operator for her church, & working on her "Beauty Exposed" Blog that can be found at katelynbodeblog.blogspot.com.

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Why Two is Better than One

We've all been there…feeling the weight of our guilt or our shame as a result of sins we have fallen into, or feeling ashamed of ourselves for times we've been deceived with attacks from the enemy. We repent and ask Christ to forgive us and strengthen us, but as we battle these struggles on a daily basis, we realize we can't rough it alone. We need the accountability, encouragement, and support from friends and others living their lives to serve, and to love Jesus. However, many times we find ourselves bottling our struggles up and keeping them to ourselves.

How many times when someone asks us "Hey, how're you doing?" do we truly mean "good?" Why are we so afraid to open up and admit we're hurting and struggling to the people who genuinely care about how we're really doing?

Our reasons for hiding the tears with insincere smiles may differ, but I struggled with feeling I had to deal with my struggles alone. I felt undeserving of others going out of their way to support and help build me up. I felt that would be asking too much. That would be a selfish request.

My thoughts were, "I need to focus on loving others the way Jesus did. I want to support those around me, and be there for my friends and family when they need me. I want to love selflessly. How can that be accomplished when I selfishly ask for my needs to be met instead?"

I didn’t realize this was exactly what the enemy wanted me to think. There were times I felt my insecurities regarding my self image were destroying my confidence, literally leaving me feeling torn on the inside. I was unsure of who I was and lacked confidence in my abilities to use my gifts and talents to serve Christ.

My heart was distracted by the struggles inside and distracted by wanting a friend to lean on, but feeling I would be selfish and asking for too much if I were to ask for someone to support me and allow me to open up, admitting what was attacking me. I was hindered in my spiritual growth because I felt I had to pretend I was doing "good" one hundred percent of the time, when really I was stuck in a rut of insecurities I didn't know how to break.

I was forgetting something very essential. A best friend, who could tell I was hurting, brought something to my attention. His noticing and confronting me about hiding was God's way of telling me I needed to stop feeling ashamed, afraid, and selfish about admitting I was discouraged and in need of help.

Offering love, support, encouragement, and building up fellow members in the Body of Christ is a two way street. We're not only called to love God and others, but we’re also called to share in our walks with other believers instead of trying to grow spiritually, alone. Even Jesus didn't allow himself to be alone. The Son of God, in form of a man, surrounded himself with the company of his twelve disciples.

Jesus may have lived a sinless life, but he was still tempted. (Matthew 4:1-11) He was still very much human. If Jesus saw the importance of serving in ministry with His twelve disciples, rather than journeying through life alone, then we definitely should not serve in our spiritual journeys alone.

Ecclesiastes 4:9-12 says, "Two people are better off than one, for they can help each other succeed. If one person falls, the other can reach out and help. But someone who falls alone is in real trouble. Likewise, two people lying close together can keep each other warm. But how can one be warm alone? A person standing alone can be attacked or defeated, but two can stand back-to-back and conquer. Three are even better, for a triple braided cord is not easily broken."

Whenever we feel afraid, selfish, ashamed, or feel there's any excuse not to ask for support from fellow believers, we're falling into the enemy's trap. Having a Christ centered community is vital for our spiritual growth, and Satan will do whatever it takes to prevent us from receiving the benefits the Body of Christ provides. Struggling feeling alone is enough to tear us down with discouragement. God didn't create his people to be alone, nor did he create us to struggle alone. Absolutely nothing should ever stop us or make us feel undeserving of seeking help from the people God placed in our lives to walk with. No matter how deeply we feel we've sinned or how embarrassed we are because of attacks we face, the worst thing we could do is bottle up our struggles and attempt to fight through our battles alone.

[photo credit: Shannon Lee Miller]

The Pursuer of Our Hearts

As women, we naturally long to be pursued. We want to feel wanted, desired, & loved. We want to feel like we're worth fighting for and worth someone's effort to notice us. However, a common misconception we often make as women is that when we go through seasons of singleness without a man in our lives, we feel we aren't being pursued. We feel we aren't desirable and as if no one notices or cherishes us. Even for those of us women who are either married or in a relationship with a man, we can easily fall into the traps of forgetting that men aren't always going to be perfect in their pursuing us. No matter how much we love a man or how much they love us, we let each other down because we're flawed sinners who are far from perfect. Sometimes we feel as if we're not being pursued by men we're with & that makes us feel undesirable. The point to be taken away is this - whether we have a man in our life or not, it's easy to go through seasons where we feel we're not being noticed, or worth anyone's pursuit. And that's a feeling that greatly discourages our hearts.

When we think of God, we often think of him as our Heavenly Father. We see him as our Savior with a relentless, unconditional passionate love for us. He desires to draw us near to his heart, longs for our relationships with him, & instructs us to also love him by loving others. But did you also know that God pursues us through a divine romance? Did you know that God notices everything about your intricate being, intimately knows & notices the way he created you, & desires you deeply? He is the Lover & we are his beloved.

God is constantly trying to win the attention of our hearts. For an example, just take a look at creation. Every creation of our Father echoes his glory, and invites in to explore his majesty. Think about the moments you've been breath-taken by the brush stroked skies of pastels contrasting the rising sun in the early summer mornings. Think about the moments when you notice the auburn fire leaves of autumn against the soothing blue skies in the fall. Have you ever found it to be strikingly beautiful in the winter when frozen tree branches glisten in layers of icicles while the ground is covered in blankets of pure white? Men often enjoy pursuing women & capturing their attention in ways such as giving them their favorite flowers to capture their attention. God uses his masterpieces of nature as his way of serenading our hearts by capturing our attention with creation. You know how when a man loves a woman, he will do whatever it takes to capture the attention of the girl he is after & longs for her to notice him? In the same way, God longs to romance us. He wants us to see him in the fields of golden sunflowers in the country side. He wants us to see him in the fireflies that dance between the stars on summer nights. He longs to capture our attention.

Not only does God long to romance us through the beauty of his creations, but he notices every single little detail about us. Even the ones that may feel insignificant. & Ladies, we all know that our hearts melt when we feel we've been noticed or paid attention to. He knows how many strands of hair are on our heads, & how much we lose throughout the day. He knows us by the unique one of a kind fingerprints he's given us. He blessed us with our own unique talents & gifts, personalities, knows our passions, knows the fears we have, knows us inside & out better than we even know ourselves. Psalm 139:13-15 says

"For you formed my inward parts; you knitted me together in my mother's womb. I praise you, for I am fearfully & wonderfully made. Wonderful are your works, my soul knows it well. My frame was not hidden from you, when I was being made in secret, intricately woven in the depths of the Earth."

No matter how the men of this earth view us, regardless if we're pursued by men or not, the Creator of the entire universe desires us with relentless passion: longs to serenade our hearts through the beauty of the nature he created for us on this earth, and knows every single last detail about us. He even took the form of a man, Jesus Christ, humbled himself among us on this planet to pay the ultimate sacrifice for our sins to show that we're not only worth fighting for, but Christ loves & treasures us so much, he finds us worth dying for.

Ladies: you're constantly being pursued every single moment of every single day. Your King knows you intricately, inside & out, & treasures your very being with an unconditional love. There is absolutely no need for us to feel discouragement in the truth knowing that the Lord of the Universe intimately loves us, & will never fail to show us how beloved & treasured we truly are.

[photo: Larissa Coutinho]

Katelyn Bode is a 19 year old passionate about encouraging others in hopes to expose them to the love & hope Christ has to offer to all the heart break & injustices in the world. She is currently working towards a Bachelor of Science in Child & Family Development, & a minor in Journalism. She enjoys drumming, serving as a camera operator for her church, & working on her "Beauty Exposed" Blog that can be found at katelynbodeblog.blogspot.com.

Social Media, Not So Social Ministry

When social networking has damaging effects on how we do ministry.

The social media world has definitely made the way we communicate with the world around us quick and easy. We can wish our friends a “happy birthday” by posting it on their Facebook walls, congratulate couples on their engagements and marriages, or even tweet a friend "good look" for their upcoming job interview. Why drive twenty minutes out of the way and deal with traffic to deliver your friend a handwritten "get well soon" card when you can send her a message on Facebook instead? We live in a society that prefers instant gratification over consuming our time. Our society prefers the easy and convenient route, instead of the route which requires a little more sweat and effort. And because of this, many of our relationships become less personal. Don't get me wrong, the social media world isn't a realm that's only made up of flaws, but what happens when social media affects the way we do ministry?

As Christ followers, we've been called to share the love of Jesus with the rest of the world. Mark 16:15 instructs us to "go into all the world and preach the gospel to all creation." That sounds easy enough. I can update my tweets and statuses to Bible verses and make them public for anyone in the world to see! Although that is true, and the social media can be an effective tool for ministry, it should by no means become our only tool for ministry.

The dangerous thing about the social media and ministry is, it becomes easy for us to think if we post enough about the love of Jesus online, we don't have to share it face to face in real life conversations.

That is when the convenience of social media becomes a drawback. Just think for a moment. If Jesus was alive, walking around on Earth in our 2013 culture, how do you picture him sharing the love of God? Do you see him having a conversation with an old widow in the park about what it means to have faith, preaching the gospel to college students on college campuses, or helping mission teams drill clean drinking water wells in Africa? Or do you see Jesus just laying back on a laptop preaching through Facebook statuses and then calling it a day?

Ministry is not meant to be easy. Ministry is not for the faint of heart. It involves taking risks, and choosing challenging routes over the quick and easy routes. Sure we can play it safe by trying to lead a friend to accept Christ through the security of being hidden behind the computer screen instead of boldly having the conversation face to face, but how does that at all reflect the passionate, thriving, ambitious, heart of Christ for loving God's people? In fact, we've been told through scripture that we will go through suffering when it comes to carrying out God's love. 2 Timothy 2:3 says "Join me in suffering, like a good soldier of Christ Jesus."

Good Soldier - In order to be a good soldier of Christ when it comes to combating the lies and deceptions of sin and rescuing the lost who don't know the love of God, we have to join in Christ's suffering. We have to get our hands dirty. Jesus and his disciples would walk for miles and miles in the intense desert heat with nothing but the sweaty clothes sticking to their backs, and would go for days without food when they were out spreading the gospel and serving others. So why shouldn't we get off of Facebook and meet up with our friend who needs to know about Christ's love through a face to face conversation over coffee? Ministry is meant to be relational, sincere, and social. Ironically, using only the social media as a ministry tool isn't so social after all.

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Whole Magazine

The Desires of Intimacy and the Distractions We Face