5 Steps to Getting Over Your Ex


Surviving A Breakup With God's Help

Breaking up is never easy, whether you are the one doing the breaking up or the one being broken up with. Let's face it. Even for us Christians breaking up is never fun. But when it all settles, and we take a moment to reflect on the relationship it won't be long until we see where it all went wrong. More importantly, when we truly begin to seek God and His will for our lives—including love lives—then we can start desiring what He desires for our hearts. So, fear not, the Lord is with you during these difficult times.

  1. Big girls do cry. It is okay to cry. There is no reason denying that it hurts. Sometimes getting a good cry in can be a catalyst to moving on and moving forward. Keep in mind not to spend too much time in this season though. Remind yourself of why you and your ex are no longer together in the first place.

    Weeping may tarry for the night, but joy comes with the morning. - Psalm 30:5

  2. Cut off all contact. Do not try to be friends with your ex right now. Do not try and hang out with his guy friends either. Do not text him when his favorite song plays on the radio. The easiest, fastest and healthiest way to get over your ex is to initiate clear boundaries from the beginning. Unfriend him on Facebook, unfollow him on Twitter, and stop getting your hair and nails done with his momma (yes, it is that serious). Refrain from stalking his social networks, because it will only prolong your healing process. Remember, this is for your good.

    I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me. - Philippians 4:13

  3. Spend time with your sisters in Christ. Now is not the time to reach out to your worldly friends just to bash your ex, go clubbing, and get wasted. Also consider that if this is only a season of separation for you both, slandering him to your friends and mutual friends will leave things a bit awkward if there is a reconciliation in the near future. Seek out your godly friends for support. Let them pour into your life and pray for you. When you are out with your girlfriends, do not dwell and reflect on your breakup, rather ask about their lives, relationships. You will be surprised to find out that when you take the focus off of yourself and what you got going on, and you place that focus on others it helps to give you a better outlook and perspective on your situation.

    A friend of all the world will prove himself a bad friend, but there is a friend who sticks closer than a brother. - Proverbs 18:24

  4. Spend even more time with Jesus. Fill this time that you use to spend with your ex with Jesus and watch what a difference you will see very fast. Have date night's with Jesus. Create a beautiful, quiet, and romantic atmosphere with candles and get your Bible. Go back to your first love. Let Jesus heal your heart from the inside out. Sometimes we get so caught up in our relationships that we can lose our identity. Let God remind you that your identity, and your worth were always in Him not in your ex! Go as hard for Jesus during this time as you did for your man. Give yourself time to heal slowly. When you are having a bad day and tempted to call your ex, put your phone down and fall on your face. Cry out to Jesus. Know that He will heal your broken heart. He truly does work things out for the ultimate good.

    Trust in the Lord with all your heart, and do not lean on your own understanding. In all your ways acknowledge him, and he will make straight your paths. - Proverbs 3:5-6
  5. Stay single. This is not the time to go and get into a rebound relationship. This is your season for healing and restoration. God draws near to the broken-hearted. Use this time to spend with Jesus (refer to #4). During this time you may be carrying baggage filled with hurt, bitterness, anger, and sadness. Give God a chance to do a major uproot cleaning in that heart. Give your "Boaz" a fair shot when the time comes. You cannot give a guy a fair shot if you are still carrying around past hurts. Focus on your season of singleness and become intimate with Christ. Learn Him all over again. Remaining at His feet is reassurance that healing and breakthrough is right around the corner. So what if everyone else is in a relationship. Singleness is not incompleteness. It is a gift, a blessing. Being single does not necessarily mean you are unavailable. Sometimes you have got to put a sign up that says, "do not disturb, God is working on my heart." Keep in mind that this season allows for more undivided time between you and the True Lover of your soul.


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About the Author :

Carmen Miller is happily married mother of 5 and wife to Jarrad. As Founder of Whole Magazine, and Co-Founder of God Over Porn; Carmen's heart's passion is to see broken women made whole through the power of Jesus Christ.

The Uninvited Guest


It’s the time of the year where we count our blessings. Every November I am reminded of the abundance in my life. I am astonished by God’s goodness and make a conscious effort to be thankful for the things I take for granted-- heat in the winter, gas money to run errands, a dishwasher and washing machine just to name a few. You know, the simple “daily things” that I often mistakingly view as an entitlement-- rather then a gift.

Even with the overflowing gratitude of my heart, at times I have struggled with a quiet discontent, I call it, “the uninvited guest.” I know we aren’t supposed to talk about this, but can I just be real for a moment? For many, the holidays are disillusioning at best, painful at worst. We count our blessings, but we also count the things that seem to be missing. If you’re on facebook or Pinterest. the reminders of “more and better” are everywhere-- from perfectly gourmet recipes, to colorful tables, to happy drama free happy families-- we long for perfection and ease on the day when we are supposed to be most content with “whatever we have.”

Our hearts are full, and yet sometimes the inconsolable ache of our human condition (the uninvited guest) is overwhelming. For some, it’s an empty seat around the dining table; you miss the laughter and joy of a loved one that passed away and traditions just aren’t the same without them. Or maybe, divorce or estranged family relationships is the source of the strangely quiet house. For others, the ache stems from unfulfilled longings and the reality that another year has passed with delayed dreams.

Sometimes, we have prayers that go seemingly unanswered for weeks, months, or even years. We cry out, beg and plead with God for that new job, new relationship, or new possession. We hope against the odds for physical healing, restored relationships, or guidance. We get frustrated when our sincere requests are only compensated with “silence” from God.

The inconsolable ache is present in varying degrees in every single one of us. Even in the grandest, most joyous moments of life, we are aware that something here on earth is amiss. The evidence is most obviously displayed when you consider the emptiness that many millionaires, A list celebrities and professional athletes share.. Even with the ability to have everything their heart desires, their weary souls find no rest and security.

I have experienced the nagging presence of the ache, but I have also joyfully experienced the only remedy for it. In my seasons of desperation I have learned that the many prayers that seemed unanswered, were actually answered with the greatest gift of all: God’ sustaining presence.

Quite simply, God’s presence with me has been enough. Those aren’t cheap words. They are words that I have learned in the darkness-- when I felt alone, abandoned, and forgotten. They are words I have learned when I have struggled to hold on to hope in circumstances that seemed unending. Those words were learned during times when I did’t get what I desired and God didn’t solve my problem like I had anticipated. Truthfully, the inner peace derived from God’s presence has guarded my heart while facing a generous amount of deferred dreams and crushed plans.

In my life the disappointment and the ache of longing have both fueled my dependence on the only One who fulfills. If you’re struggling this year, please know, it isn’t ungrateful or disrespectful to voice the deepest desires of your heart to God. Tell Him what you’re feeling and ask Him for his help in realizing contentment that comes when you trust Him to be enough. God’s presence is much more of a gift then any of his “presents.” As a child of God one of the most incredible privileges is the discovery that in those rare moments when you have “nothing else” you recognize that He is unfathomably more then you could ever need.

[photo credit, Mathijs Delvas]




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About the Author :

Christina Stolaas is a 30 year old who is addicted to Jesus, Coffee, and Running. She's a mom to four energetic kids who she adores, and wife to one wonderful husband of almost 10 years. Christina is a sunday school teacher to youth, is actively involved in womens ministry and uses her gift of writing wherever God opens the doors! She is passionate about seeing God redeem our mess into a message of hope to others.

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Psalm 62: Trust In God Alone


Although we are 13 days into our sabbatical I wanted to pop in and send a little encouragement your way.

Today, let's remember that Jesus is our solid Rock we can cling to when the storms of life blow and beat against us. Jesus is a precious cornerstone, and those who trust in Him will always have a solid Rock to depend upon. No matter what is going on; no matter who has hurt you remember that you are not alone. You always have a friend in Jesus. Humans are flawed and imperfect and ever-changing, but God is unchanging. 

1 I am at rest in God alone;
my salvation comes from Him.
2 He alone is my rock and my salvation,
my stronghold; I will never be shaken.

3 How long will you threaten a man?
Will all of you attack
as if he were a leaning wall
or a tottering stone fence?
4 They only plan to bring him down
from his high position.
They take pleasure in lying;
they bless with their mouths,
but they curse inwardly. Selah

5 Rest in God alone, my soul,
for my hope comes from Him.
6 He alone is my rock and my salvation,
my stronghold; I will not be shaken.
7 My salvation and glory depend on God, my strong rock.
My refuge is in God.
8 Trust in Him at all times, you people;
pour out your hearts before Him.
God is our refuge.Selah

9 Men are only a vapor;
exalted men, an illusion.
Weighed in the scales, they go up;
together they are less than a vapor.
10 Place no trust in oppression,
or false hope in robbery.
If wealth increases,
pay no attention to it.

11 God has spoken once;
I have heard this twice:
strength belongs to God,
12 and faithful love belongs to You, Lord.
For You repay each according to his works.


Don't Cross the Line


I have lost count of how many Christians I have met and talked to who have no clue about boundaries when it comes to man-woman relationship. Honestly, I was one of them. Charge it to ignorance, carefree attitude, or too trusting nature.

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