Sweet Dreams My Love

Learning how to press pass disagreements in marriage.

The other day, hubby and I had a major argument about 10 pm, it was late we were both tired and to be honest I can't even remember why it started. By 11 pm, we were both heading to bed and neither of us was speaking to the other. I was too tired to apologize and make it all better, but even more than that, I was holding on to my belief that I was right and he was wrong therefore, lying there, sitting in silence was the best option in my opinion.

It wasn't until about 15 minutes into my "lying there" (because I couldn't get to sleep) the Holy Spirit prompted me and said what if tonight was the last night you would have with your spouse. I began to twist and turn in the bed because I did not want to hear this, I was right, he was wrong and I was not going to bend on the issue. In my mind, I always bend on the issues. The Lord, however, was trying to get me to see the bigger picture, he kept prompting me with little things, showing me people who had been here one day and gone tomorrow, I even heard these words ringing in my head, "Don't miss out on love." I was torn, but I knew what I had to do, I leaned over and said I am sorry and that was the end of the disagreement. Whatever it was about (because I still can't even remember) it was futile in the scope of life.

The bible states that we should not allow the sun to go down on our wrath, I had never understood this more clearly than this night. I would always consider a disagreement as such and if the cold shoulder is necessary until such time the two parties come to an amicable decision (sounds like a business agreement) then so be it. If that just so happened to include overnight negotiations or non- negotiations I was up for the challenge.

But marriage is different, it is not a business contract that we sort through and allow our spouse to ponder in the middle of the night, wondering if tomorrow will bring new conflicts or resolutions. We must find it in ourselves to take the high road and embrace differences. 

Generally speaking, the commonalities you share in the first phase of marriage, has fizzled by the second phase. We have taken up the position of individual working towards a collective effort rather than collectively working towards finding the individual.

As time passes on, we can become increasingly more comfortable with the thought our spouse will always be there. Taking time for granted and using its resource like wasted water from a dripping faucet. The word of God states, however, that tomorrow is not promised and so we must take advantage of today and everyday. Every moment we share with our spouse is a gift from God, giving us one more opportunity to embrace love. 

I have now realized that despite my emphatic need to be right, it is more important to be loved. This makes for more peaceful days and much more restful nights. As wives, God created us to be adaptable, encouraging, and graceful. When we look to him for resolutions, he provides the words to say, a softened heart, and ear to hear what he is saying. 

Before you lay down to sleep each night, clear out the junk that may have come between you and your spouse today. Create an atmosphere that is conducive to sweet dreams and intimacy. Don't dwell on things that build up walls between the two of you and have an open heart to receive him. Let the love of each day be refreshed, renewed, revealed in you, his wife. 

Tiffany Fulcher is a writer, entrepreneur, speaker, and a woman with a heart for God. As a mother and wife she understands God's desire for women to walk in their authoritative influence not just in their families but in the entirety of the world. Her passion is to encourage women to live by God's design and purpose for their lives. Her words to live by for all women is Impact, Impart, Influence.

Loving Each Other in the Midst of Chaos

Beloved, Let him kiss me with the kisses of his mouth– for your love is more delightful than wine-Song of Solomon 1:2

I am always talking with my girlfriends about how to find time for your spouse when life is so hectic already.  It’s a difficult topic and one that is quite sensitive but one that absolutely has to be discussed!  It’s hard to find time for one another I know this first hand.  My husband and I co-own a business, have three kids, work freelance projects, and serve in our church. So yeah our life is chaotic, but in all of this we still manage to make time for each other at least one day of the week. How do we do it? Well, I’m glad you asked!

We drop the kids off at school and plan a date during the day
We schedule this at least one day out of the week. Because we both have flexible schedules this works for us, if your schedule is not so flexible try this once a month by taking a sick day at work.
Let the kids be late to school, early morning loving is important!  Let the kids sleep in and write a brief note to the teacher, you’ll be so glad you did! While this certainly can’t be the norm once, twice, or three times during the school year won’t hurt!

Hang out with your spouse even on a school night
Don’t limit yourself to weekends. We attend concerts, movies, and dinner alone on school nights.  I make sure the kids are fed and homework is done before we leave and have a trustworthy sitter that makes sure the kids are in bed on time, it makes for a hot date night and when you get home the kids are already sleep which makes for an even hotter late night…oh la la!

Take a vacation alone
We plan two vacations a year without our children, one is an anniversary and the other is whenever we choose.  We don’t make it a big deal either, a vacation is what you make it, it could be staying at a local hotel for three days with nothing but room service or an all expenses paid trip to Hawaii…. you decide!

Enlist the help of friends and family
Call on friends and family members to help take care of your kids. Switch off babysitting your friends kids and let them watch yours… allowing the kids to sleep overnight at a friend’s house could be a great night for you and your spouse!

Be creative
Don’t get stuck in the hum drum of dating while married…dinner and a movie, go to sporting events, have a picnic in the park, get mani’s and pedi’s together, go to a spa, watch movies at home with all the junk food you can muster or light some candles and take a long hot bath… have fun with it…the more fun you have on the date, the more fun you have at the after party!

Forget the Rules
All is fair is love and war right…well let’s make love not war! Get rid of all the rules, which are really just excuses. Open your mind to the possibilities and have fun with it! Lock the door if the kids are awake and turn up the music, call in and reschedule the meeting, and find a location outside of your bedroom. Take it to another level and crank it up a notch!

Be excited about loving your spouse bring the joy and fervor back!  If one week goes by without alone time, I start missing the man I fell in love with! I can’t wait until a day comes that I can have him all to myself, and if the day doesn’t come well, I steal some time a lunch hour…coffee break whatever I can get, its that important to me and our marriage is stronger than ever!  Yes ladies, men want to love us body and soul…I think a little bit more body than soul…but, hey, I’m game!






Tiffany Fulcher is a writer, entrepreneur, speaker, and a woman with a heart for God. As a mother and wife she understands God's desire for women to walk in their authoritative influence not just in their families but in the entirety of the world. Her passion is to encourage women to live by God's design and purpose for their lives. Her words to live by for all women is Impact, Impart, Influence.