Retire the Red Cape: How to Help People Who Are Hurting

I remember when I was four years old and received a pair of superhero pajamas (yes, girls can be superheroes too). It came with a cape attached to the back of the shirt.  I glided around the house while making whooshing sounds until I tried to “fly” off my bed and ended up hurt and crying on the floor, only to realize I was not a superhero and I had no real superpowers. 

Have you ever really wanted to save someone? The dear friend dealing with depression; the family member who is battling cancer; the loved one who cannot seem to catch a break. When we see others hurting, many of us tend to have a desire to swoop in and somehow or some way save the day Instead, however, we must retire the red superhero cape. There is only one Savior, after all, and it is not you.

Salvation comes no other way; no other name has been or will be given to us by which we can be saved, only this one. (Acts 4:12 MSG)

Watching the people we love suffer can stir up many emotions within ourselves.  I cannot stand it; I lose sleep and end up racking my brain for a solution and, when a solution does not come, I become sad and frustrated for my loved one. It is during such times that I cannot help but wonder, "What do you do when someone you love is hurting, suffering, and fighting a seemingly relentless battle?"

You can't save people, you can only love them. -Anais Nin

Love people. Let people know they are loved and shine God's light into their lives, even when it is difficult or it does not seem to be sinking in.

For God, who said, "Let light shine out of darkness," made his light shine in our hearts to give us the light of the knowledge of God's glory displayed in the face of Christ. (2 Corinthians 4:6 NIV) 

In addition to loving people, it is also important to be mindful of your emotions. Our emotions can be a challenge when we love someone, but being mindful of our emotional state is vital. Our presence should be calming instead of anxious or overly emotional; it should bring peace instead of chaos. Do not minimize or magnify someone's experience or suffering.  Know when to be there and when to leave.

Speak the truth. Speak love and life into those who are hurting and speak it gently (Proverbs 15:4, ESV).

You can't save people from themselves. You can only try to wake them up. -Karen Marie Moning

Allow God to work in the lives of His children. Often times, people must face emotional things one on one with God. Do not impede the process by trying to make a shortcut that God never intended for someone to take. People may need to face their hurts directly with God and, often times, this is an extremely difficult process. With this in mind, what you may think is helping someone may actually be harming them. God sees the future and we only see the present, so allow God to do what He does best; heal, love and direct. God reminds us that He has those we love, those we are worried about, those that we cannot help but desperately want to. Leave the end results to Him. 

Focus on listening instead of fixing. You can be there for someone without actually trying to control or fix their situation or circumstances. You know you are fulfilling the role of the listener when you do not feel emotionally drained by listening and loving them. Loving and listening to someone should not leave you feeling drained. There will certainly be times where we become a witness to another’s pain and battles, but when we are secure in who God is and what He can do, we will not become entangled in their pain or circumstances. 

Pray for them. Intercessory prayer is the act of praying to God on behalf of others. We are called and needed to stand in the gap. If possible, pray with multiple people.

Again, truly I tell you that if two of you on earth agree about anything they ask for, it will be done for them by my Father in heaven. (Matthew 18:19 NIV)

The older I become, the more I realize that I must retire the red superhero cape I once wore. In my times of weakness and impatience, I try and pull the cape out and put it back on, only to fall when I try to fly. I am thankful that I do not have the responsibility of saving people. Because of this, my life is more freeing and safe.

"Not all superheroes wear capes...mine wore a cross."

About the Author :

Leilani is a single mom to a beautiful 4 year old little girl. She is in love with the Creator of the stars. Her mission is simple yet so big, to encourage and bring Jesus to all in need. To bring hope by loving people, writing, photography, music, poetry/spoken word and meeting people right where they are. God's Grace is her air.

How to Know You Are On the Right Road God Wants You to Travel

“This road God, really?” 

I have woken up many nights to this thought rolling around my mind. This was not the road that I had expected to take, but never the less it is the road God is taking me down. As a mighty believer in God I still have many moments where I question why and what God is doing. I try to barter or manipulate His plan so that it looks more like what I want it to look like, and that is where it can become dangerous. I came across an analogy recently that really illustrated what I believe God does with us.

Before you can take a horse out of a burning building, you need to cover the horse’s eyes and then lead him out.  Many times God does not explain what is happening to us in the moment or where He is leading us, but we trust Him and know He has our ultimate good in mind. If you were not to blindfold the horse before leading it out of the burning building, it would get scared, not move, and most likely burn with the building.  This can certainly apply to us. If we were able to see everything that God was doing, it would most likely scare and paralyze us and leave us with far more questions as a result.

I watch my five year old daughter continually test the boundaries with me and there are many times where her not listening to my instruction could lead to her harm.  She is still so young and does not fully understand the implications of what not listening, and instead doing what she wants to can create.

So that raises the question, "How do I know I am on the right road that God wants me to travel?"

• Opposition. Many of us have been taught that when opposition comes against us in life, it means we are doing something wrong and are on the wrong path.  This could not be further from the truth. Shannon L. Alder quoted, “You will face your greatest opposition when you are closest to your biggest miracle." Opposition comes because it knows you are on the right path and wants to deter you.  You would be invisible to most opposition walking on the wrong path because it knows that path is leading to nowhere.

• Remain prayerful. “Pray continually.” (1 Thessalonians 5 NLT) The Bible makes it very clear that we are to pray and keep praying. Prayer is not a one-time thing.  Prayer is a physical practice of faith. Prayer is a weapon, a lamp and medicine.

• You are being obedient to His promptings.  Listen to that still small voice. We tend to look for huge signs and grand gestures when we are trying to figure out if we are going down the right path.  However, God is usually heard in a continual whisper inside us. Why? Because it forces us to listen for His voice, not ours or someone else’s. It forces us to cut out all other distractions and quiet ourselves before God.

• God's path is far different than the world's.  The world will tell you that you should always find a shortcut.  The world will tell you that if the road you are on is not paved with glitter and gold then you are on the wrong path. God made it clear that His road is not fancy, just a little gateway entry and a narrow road to travel on. If you are not looking for this road, you will surely miss it.  But this narrow road leads to life, so we need to take it no matter what.   

"But small is the gate and narrow the road that leads to life, and only a few find it."(Matthew 7:14 NIV)

Perhaps you have been walking down a road that you never would have chosen for yourself. Maybe on this road you have lost those closest to you, become sick, lost a job or maybe even everything. Even the best path can have thorns, twists, turns, valleys, and hills. There will be days of fog on your path  It does not matter if you are the best planner in the world, because even the best planning does not necessarily keep us from having to go down a different path. Remember these key things: God is always in control and is sovereign. God loves you no matter what and has your ultimate good in mind, always. Stay the course and know it will be worth it. 

About the Author :

Leilani is a single mom to a beautiful 4 year old little girl. She is in love with the Creator of the stars. Her mission is simple yet so big, to encourage and bring Jesus to all in need. To bring hope by loving people, writing, photography, music, poetry/spoken word and meeting people right where they are. God's Grace is her air.

The Martha Complex

I have struggled with what I can only name as the Martha Complex. I have often spent my time spinning my wheels and running around like a chicken with its head cut off “serving” the Lord. My idea of serving was completely distorted and included “doing” instead of just being. I wanted to do more for God as if I was earning His love, attention and grace. I wanted to do more for people to show my love for God through my actions.  I was making a huge mistake and misstep. I had to ask really ask myself, “Who am I really serving, God or myself?” I have found myself making demands from God and including a list of all I had done and asking the same question that Martha asked, “Lord, don’t you care?”

We can learn a lot from Martha and Mary. We live in a world with more Martha’s than Mary’s. Let’s refresh on the short story with a big lesson.

As Jesus and his disciples were on their way, he came to a village where a woman named Martha opened her home to him.  She had a sister called Mary, who sat at the Lord’s feet listening to what he said.  But Martha was distracted by all the preparations that had to be made. She came to him and asked, “Lord, don’t you care that my sister has left me to do the work by myself? Tell her to help me! "Martha, Martha," the Lord answered, “you are worried and upset about many things, but few things are needed—or indeed only one.  Mary has chosen what is better, and it will not be taken away from her.  (Luke 10:38-42 NIV)

Let’s first look at what Martha did:

• She opened her home to Jesus.
• She was distracted by all the preparations that had to be made. 
• Asked Jesus if He cared that her sister had left her to do all the work herself. 
• Made a demand from Jesus; “Tell her to help me!”(vs. 40) 
• She was worried and upset about many things.

Now let’s look at the opposite approach Mary took:

• She sat at the Lords feet listening to what He said.
• Did the one thing that was needed.
• She chose what was better.

My initial reaction looking at the two lists above is that Martha did a lot more but was left with no peace, while Mary did less and yet was thoroughly able to be worry free and at peace basking in the presence of her Savior. I don’t know about you, but I want to be the latter of these two ladies. 

Are we distracted by all the work we are doing?  If we are, it will only leave us feeling cheated, frustrated, overlooked, unappreciated and/or jealous. Did Jesus ask Martha to do all those things she was doing?  Where did we get this attitude of always having to go and do?  The world.  The world tells us that we must always be going and doing, and if we are not then we will be unfulfilled and lazy. As Kingdom people, we should know better. The Bible is very clear on this:

For by grace you have been saved through faith; and that not of yourselves, it is the gift of God; not as a result of works, so that no one may boast. (Ephesians 2:9 NIV)

My favorite part of the story is the way in which Jesus responds to Martha. Jesus saw that Martha was upset, and He addressed her concern and complaint compassionately. He did not get angry and dismiss her, but instead calmly acknowledged her and explained what the priority was. He gave Martha a heart and attitude check, but in the most lovingly way possible. It makes me fall even more in love with Jesus. Even when we are acting childishly and demanding things while wallowing in self-pity, the Lord is still so kind and gentle with us. He is the most patient and loving father. 

What can we learn from Martha? 

• We know she was hospitable and loved Jesus because she opened her home to Him with no questions asked.
• She was a hard worker, but overlooked the most important things; time with Jesus and listening to what He had to say. Time with Jesus trumps everything else. 
• Her worries multiplied when she was doing too much and if she would have instead sat at the feet of Jesus, those worries would have dissipated. A distracted heart will leave you anxious and out of tune with what Jesus may be trying to tell you.
• Our attitude and hearts priority should be continually asking, “Jesus, what do you want me to do?”

Our proper perspective should always be this: 

“Salvation isn’t about what I do; it’s about what Jesus did.”- Joanna Weaver

About the Author :

Leilani is a single mom to a beautiful 4 year old little girl. She is in love with the Creator of the stars. Her mission is simple yet so big, to encourage and bring Jesus to all in need. To bring hope by loving people, writing, photography, music, poetry/spoken word and meeting people right where they are. Gods Grace is her air.