When my husband and I got married, we had this whole timeline in our minds of when the big moments in our lives would happen. We would spend a year enjoying our time together as a couple and then we would start house shopping. We would then buy a house and start trying for a baby and the following year would be the "year of the baby." Then we would decide when we would start planning for the second and third child, because you don't want them too close together or too far apart in age.
Wow. We really thought we were in control.
After about a year of trying, we began to question if we would ever get pregnant. Not just us either, there were so many people in our lives who were wondering what we were waiting for or why it was "taking so long." I began to wonder if I was infertile, and if it was a good idea to start asking questions when I saw my doctor, but decided to hold off. After all, we weren't trying every tool available at that time; there was no temperature taking or calendar monitoring, we were just waiting for it to happen "in God's time."
The truth was, we didn't want it in God's time. We wanted it "right now" because we were ready! Didn't God see that?!
Days went by. Month after month, negative result after negative result. The hope that had anchored our plans was floating away in the distance. Pregnancy and babies became a very tender subject to approach. I cried all the time. When a friend or client inquired about when we were going to have a baby, the response had changed tremendously from the year prior.
"I'm not sure that we will," I would say, and a little piece of my heart would crumble away each time.
Then, one day, we released what wasn't ours to begin with. Control.
I remember talking with God and saying," Alright Lord, if I'm not meant to be pregnant, I trust that you will give me the strength to handle what that future looks like. I know that you will guide us with our steps and I know that I will be okay." The tears flowed like rain. But I meant every word of that prayer and God truly gave me His Peace for our circumstances.
A few months later, 2 1/2 years after the original 'plan' to have a baby, I took a pregnancy test because I had the weirdest wave of nausea wash over me. I didn't expect to see a plus sign, in fact I had to ask a friend if she saw it too because I couldn't allow myself to believe it at first. The rest is history and I have an incredible daughter who resides in my heart now.
I didn't know that the story would end up that way, and for a lot of us it doesn't. The Lord was waiting on me to truly trust in His plan before you gave me an answer. Sometimes, we are holding onto our plans and expectations so tightly that we forget who holds our future. It may not look the way we wanted it to, and it may not happen when and how we hoped it would, but it is always for our good.
Let go, and let God catch you.
Genesis 28:15: "I am with you and will watch over you wherever you go, and I will bring you back to this land. I will not leave you until I have done what I have promised you."
Romans 8:28: "And we know that in all things God works for the good of those who love him, who have been called according to his purpose."
Isaiah 26:3: "You keep him in perfect peace whose mind is stayed on you, because he trusts in you."
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Author: Emilee Lowe
Emilee is a Christ following wife and mother who lives in Wilmington, North Carolina. She is a former hair stylist who is committed to being used by God in whatever way He sees fit.
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