"Therefore
I tell you, do not be anxious about your life, what you will eat or what you
will drink, nor about your body, what you will put on. Is not life more than
food, and the body more than clothing?….But seek first the kingdom of God and
his righteousness, and all these things will be added to you." - Matthew 6:25-33
"Just
a minute, friend! I will be right there." I had an unexpected visitor at the
bachelorette bungalow recently. This would buy me just enough time. Not to
quickly move the three coffee mugs and empty wine glass from my laptop table to
the kitchen sink or do a ninja style bathroom cleanup (I am a seasoned pro at
that)—no, I had to rid the evidence. Make sure that empty Krispy Kreme box was
out of sight. I had not had one of these, how shall I put it, well, "episodes"
in a long time. Perhaps I had almost forgotten how to hide. Almost. Whew, just
in time. I opened my door with a cheerful smile.
I
have a confession. It’s not a pretty one. It’s not a cool one. In fact, it’s a
big old fat ugly mess of one. I am a glutton. My struggle with gluttony runs
deep. For many years I did not recognize my overeating or binge eating as
gluttony, and I often had success in controlling my weight by behavior
modification. I could follow a diet, stick to an exercise regime, and
“willpower” my way back into my jeans.
When
I first recognized that the behavior of overeating in my life may actually be
gluttony, I was to determined to find a loop hole. Sure, I was comfortable
confessing and discussing many other failures and sins in my life, but I could
not face being the girl who could not put down the fork. Even the idea of
sharing this struggle with my girlfriends conjures up a video reel in my head of
Chris Farley and the SNL Gap girls. “LAY OFF I’M STARVING!”
But
what I was missing was getting to the root of my gluttony. It is not that much
different than most sins. Food had become my idol. A god. I was seeking pleasure,
fulfillment, comfort, acceptance, and love in something other than my Lord and
Savior, Jesus Christ. This desire to go to something other than the Lord is
enslaving. A cycle of shame and guilt. And really, this is very similar to my
Gap girlfriend who confesses her temptation to using alcohol or sex as a god.
Oh, but idols are so deceitful. Almost as soon as the last bite of whatever
pleasure seeking food is gone from your lips, the heaviness of the emptiness in
your heart is felt so much more than the fullness of your stomach. It’s
destructive.
We
are so very good at telling God we are “just fine now.” You know how it goes: He
pulls us out of a mess or sin pattern, yet again, showering us in His abundant
love and abounding grace. At first, we bask in it. We depend on Him for each
step, thankful to be His child. Then, we start to feel confident. Yes, Lord. We
got this…I got this…I CAN DO IT. That desperate need for Him fades. Pretty soon,
it’s back to “let me pull myself up by my bootstraps” and “put my big girl
panties” on kind of living.
This
has been my life lately. I kind of thought “oh yeah, God and I have fixed that
whole gluttony thing.” <——you know what that it? PRIDE. And when the storms
come, and life gets tough again, my default has not been Jesus. It’s rebellion.
When I don’t like what He is telling me, whether it’s to be patient or walk in
obedience in an area I would rather not, I turn to a god that won’t talk back.
The only thing the lady at Krispy Kreme asked me was “Would you like to add a
cup of doughnut holes to your order?”
But
the story does not end there, my friends. You see, it’s a journey of giving my
heart to the Lord. He does not give up on me even when I feel like giving up on
myself. This is a relationship of epic proportions. He invites me back to bask
in His grace and be renewed by His mercies. He knows the Joy I will feel by
repositioning myself to make Him Lord instead of my own gods.
Sweet friends,
that is what this life is all about. Learning that our weakness is made perfect
in His strength. Don’t wait to clean yourself up. Come to the Table. The
nourishment He offers will make you full.
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