I'm a relatively new believer. I came to Christ battered and torn just over six years ago. I grew up going to church on Sundays, but didn't have a real relationship with God. When I was a teenager, I drifted away as so many do, and carried on in life "my way" until it all fell apart in my late twenties. I am thankful for the way that the Lord pursued be, the softening that He did before He drew me in, and the radical change He worked in my life.
As a baby Christian, my eyes were bright and wide, and everything I was beginning to learn was fresh and full of hope. I'm pretty sure I was front and center at every altar call through that first year and I must've prayed the salvation prayer at least twenty times. I had alone time with God every free second I had (or at least in hindsight that's how I recall it) and I remember driving to work with one hand raised and tears flowing while praising my newfound Savior.
I was on fire like so many other brand-new Christians. I could finally see the Truth and Grace that He had been offering all along.
Everything seemed incredible.
Somewhere along the way, between then and now, I lost sight of that flame. It's not that it's burned out, it's still there, but it seems dimmer and more like a candle than a torch. When I ask how this happened, it seems painfully clear that there is no one to blame but myself.
God hasn't moved. He hasn't changed. He is still sovereign.
I, on the other hand, have somehow managed to let people stand between us. I've looked at others and compared. I've looked to others for approval. I've gone so many times to them first instead of taking it to Him. I've tried to make things happen in my time and on my terms instead of waiting for and trusting in Him.
My faith in God has not changed, but my faithfulness to Him has.
I am not confessing this out of guilt and shame as I know these things do not come from My God. I am sharing this because I'm sure I'm not the only one. So if you're feeling like you don't measure up today, know that you're not alone.
But we are not meant to measure up. We are perfectly imperfect. He knows every detail of who each and everyone of us are and loves us anyway! And if you are feeling far from God today, know that you are not!
He is just as close as He always was, it's just time for you to draw closer again.
His arms are open.
Psalm 103:1-4: "Praise the LORD, my soul; all my inmost being, praise his holy name. Praise the LORD, my soul, and forget not all his benefits—who forgives all your sins and heals all your diseases, who redeems your life from the pit and crowns you with love and compassion."
Hebrews 10: 22: "let us draw near to God with a sincere heart and with the full assurance that faith brings, having our hearts sprinkled to cleanse us from a guilty conscience and having our bodies washed with pure water."
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About the Author: Emilee Lowe
Emilee is a Christ following wife and mother who lives in Wilmington, North Carolina. She is a former hair stylist who is committed to being used by God in whatever way He sees fit.
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