I can be selfish. I believe we all can be, but often I notice how selfish I am during times of fellowship. When it is time to connect and communicate with believers that I do not know, especially on a Sunday during the church service, I like to keep to myself. Sometimes I am cool, but I find that I am more open one on one rather than with a group.
I see the selfishness coming out when it is time to sing praise and worship songs to the Lord amongst other believers. Especially when I am around someone who is pumped, excited, and singing really loudly. Do you ever just want to hold onto how you feel because you are not ready to let go yet? I realized that this is definitely not the right way to be, and it has nothing to do with them personally but everything to do with how I am feeling and what I am going through. I get this way when I do not feel like being bothered. I find that I want to be in the presence of the love and nourishment that fellowship brings, but when I find myself in this type of setting, I would rather isolate myself than contribute. I just want to stay in my own space. I do not feel like going around greeting people, connecting with them, or hugging and smiling; I just want to stay in my own box.
How can I say that I am truly honoring the Lord and building up the body of Christ when I have this kind of attitude?
Truthfully we would rather hold on to our pride, securities, and comforts instead of reaching out to those in need because it takes effort; buy why would we deny others what we desire ourselves?
It is a lovely thing when you have someone's full attention. It is something I believe we all want, though I know things will not always be perfect, it is still important. I have realized that I want to feel wanted, needed, loved, and cared for and sometimes without any distractions. I used to think that I did not need to have this from anyone and that I could get through on my own.
The closer I walk with God, the more the body of Christ becomes important to me. A lot of times we look for love and affection everywhere but within and amongst believers.
"Two are better than one, because they have a good reward for their toil. For if they fall, one will lift up his fellow. But woe to him who is alone when he falls and has not another to lift him up! Again, if two lie together, they keep warm, but how can one keep warm alone? And though a man might prevail against one who is alone, two will withstand him—a threefold cord is not quickly broken," (Ecclesiastes 4:9-12 English Standard Version).
Somehow, we have made up in our minds that Christians are absolutely perfect people and we look for them to be all that God is supposed to be in our lives. Yes, we are made in His image and likeness, but we are not and will never be who He is and what He represents in all of His glory and fullness.
It amazes me that even though God is everywhere, we always have His "undivided attention." It is such a beautiful blessing that helps us become fully whole and satisfied in and with Him. These days, everyone is interested in tips on how to wait on or pursue the right spouse, or how can you be fulfilled in every way rather than being in a relationship with God. I know that God wants us to enjoy life, and He wants to bless us, but like I once said to some of classmates, we are not here to fulfill our own will. If we look to God instead of these relationships, we will find all that we truly desire.
Married couples that I have spoken to have shared with me that when they made some attempt to change their spouses, God told them to work on their own hearts and relationships with Him and He would take care of the rest. Nothing should ever be more important than God.
With God, we never have to pretend to be anything or anyone that we are not. You can simply be yourself because He sees every part of you. I am not married, but from what I have seen and know from talking to couples, God gives you a very clear visual of what your heart truly looks like in Him through that relationship.
Be satisfied and content with Christ. I learn this more and more each day, and it is so refreshing. When we stop trying to hide, we will realize that we are already covered in Him. God is the cord or third strand that holds our lives and relationships together. Trust in Him.
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