I
have always known about God, but I’ve never had a personal relationship with
Him. I was raised Catholic, I attended Sunday school, and
I went to church every week. I knew about the Father, Son, and Holy
Spirit, but I never really knew how all of these connected. Although I
never knew about all of these things in depth, and I never really read the
bible or studied scripture, I see now that God was there all along. At times, I
heard my family mention God, and it was always important to pray, but there was
nothing that ever stirred deep conservations about His greatness.
Even
in the midst of not knowing, there has always been a pull upon my heart to know
more. I am grateful that my mom allowed me to visit other churches
that my friends attended, and many things that I experienced in other
denominations I did not have a clue about. I always loved religion classes
and would do extra work to know more about God. I had several spiritual
experiences and encounters when I was younger, along with very vivid dreams and
visions. There were also things that I would be able to discern about
people and see where they were spiritually, but I never fully understood what
that meant. No one could ever really explain that to me, but I did have
encouragement from my religion teachers, even though I never shared any of my
experiences with anyone until later on in the future.
When I got to
college, I was exposed to God a lot more and learned about His character and
the Holy Spirit. As I read more and began to hear people speak of what it meant
to be “saved,” it scared me
because I thought to myself, “I love God,
so that means I am saved right?” As the years went on, I had friends
that I could share with and talk to about who God really was and what it meant
to be saved. For a long time I thought that I had a clear understanding of what being saved was about until I moved to New York
and attended church with a friend. It was here that I had a true encounter with
Christ and this was unlike anything I had ever experienced or known; it was only
the beginning.
I began to grow in
the body of Christ and God surrounded me with a family of believers. I gave my
life to the Lord in 2004. It's funny because I wanted to really make sure I was
saved and I wanted God to know that I was serious. There was even a time period
between 2004-2005, that anytime there was an alter call to get saved or receive
prayer, I was up there. In addition, when I discussed it with my mom that
I was ready to get baptized, she became uncomfortable because she believed that
I was already baptized when I was a baby in the Catholic Church. At times, it
was hard to express my growing love for Christ with my family because they were
a bit skeptical about the church I was attending. It was not Catholic, and
perhaps it seemed that I was just too into the church and God in a way they
had not known. I can remember my mom mentioning her concern that the
church I attended might be a cult or something. All I could do was laugh to
myself. but on a more serious note I continued to pray about this.
Sharing
Christ boldly earlier on in my faith with family and others was uncomfortable
because I did not believe that I had the clarity and understanding of the Word
to share it sufficiently. Even now, with me
being more equipped and maturing in my walk with Christ, I
realize that coming to understand God is never-ending and eternal. There
is always more to learn, and you come to realize that you really do not know
anything. We always want to share the gospel eloquently and as if we are
knowledgeable, but if Jesus is not at the center and the heart of what we are
sharing then it is pointless.
If you really take the time to look at the outline of your
life, you will see how the Lord's hand has been guiding you, even before you
realized it. If you remember this as you are
sharing the gospel and you remember that it is not about you but that His word
stands alone in itself, perhaps you will allow the Holy Spirit to have His way.
This is Who should be leading us as we speak and share the Word; the boldness comes
from Him.
"And I was with you in weakness and in fear
and much trembling, and my speech and my message were not in plausible words of
wisdom, but in demonstration of the Spirit and of power, so that your faith
might not rest in the wisdom of men but in the power of God," (1
Corinthians 2:3-5, English Standard Version).
A lot of times, we
try to formulate words in our own fashion to adequately describe the gospel and
we always come up short. Our human
language does not have the capacity to describe the glory of God in all His
majesty. It is difficult sometimes to put our own thoughts and feelings
about the Bible to the side and really hear what God is trying to say.
Allow
God and His word to speak for itself in your life as you share and walk by
faith.
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