Most of my life I've searched endlessly and effortlessly for stability and security. Everything in my life since childhood has been unstable. Growing up without parental support made me seek it in others or things I felt would bring me the security I desired. I can remember every relationship and friendship I've had in my life and realize how the longing for stability forced me to make irresponsible choices that only left me empty and heart broken.
There is still a longing in my heart for stability, but not as strong. Something in me changed about a year ago. I was forced to let go of toxic things and people in my life so I could finally let God do His redemptive work in me.
Most of us spend our entire life searching for anything to fill the void in our life and we never give ourselves time to heal. Sometimes it's someone coming into our life who completely eradicates every barrier we've built around our hearts completely. And before we know it the life we built with this person comes to a sudden end and we wonder how much time we invested only to be…left.
The foundation already unstable, we continue searching for something to replace the person or thing that left. We reconstruct and build our hearts and life on instability and it only deepens the wound and hurt. I thought I was doing the right thing, but I was naively building my heart on shifting sands.
This has always been an area I struggled in with men and relationships. I 'played house' with men from my past. I was there without hesitation. I swooped in with my 'love cape' and helped them in every area of their life that needed. I was there through everything and gave the world. I allowed men to use me and I thought that what I was doing to prove my love would eventually lead to them love me in return.
Physical and emotional boundaries were crossed and while at the time it felt good to feel needed and wanted, the structure I built wasn't secure on any spiritual foundation. Every vulnerable exchange added to my instability.
What started as innocence only ended in heartache I tried building on something secure that wasn't mine to build. I wanted someone to spend the rest of my life with, marry, and eventually have a family with, and I was going about it the wrong way; I wasn't relying on God.
God not only wants to be a part of everything we build, He wants to build it for us. He wants to be first in our hearts. Anything we try building and doing on our own strength will only lay in ruin.
In the midst of my heartache, God never left me stranded. When I was at my weakest and broken, He lifted me up and set me on His rock of love, hope, and truth. It's on this rock, His promises, I've been able to stand and listen to His voice more clearly instead of the overwhelming desires of my heart.
God wants to save us from the disaster of building our life on anything unstable. He is our sturdy watchtower, our refuge, and protection. He wants to be the builder and redeemer of our hearts.
Most of my life was spent building my life and heart on shifting sands of instability, but now my hope and faith is on my rock. Jesus is my rock.
Jesus invites us daily to build our life and heart on a firm foundation of faith. It's only on this foundation we can build a life and future with another person.
Julie Caulder has a passion for people and meeting them where they are in their struggle. She believes in the power of transparent community and in God's redemptive grace. Her life motto is: "Love God, Love Others, Go!" You can connect with Julie on Twitter @InciteFaith
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