By Ashley Flores
"When I was an active homosexual, my conscious dealt with me daily and it was hard. I would become very fearful so, I would smoke weed in an attempt to block out the truth." - Jackie Hill
Making her name simultaneously synonymous with the now common terms “ex-stud” and “ex-homosexual” after a performance of her poem “My Life as a Stud” went viral on the Internet in 2010, spoken word artist Jackie Hill is on a mission to spread the truth about living a life engulfed in homosexuality, and God’s redeeming grace.
Hill, 23, can be described as nothing short of dynamic when it comes to her passion to see a radical change in the lives of Christians everywhere, especially those who may have allowed the overwhelming amount of freedom Americans have been given to desensitize the majority to the urgency of the Great Commission given to us by Christ in Matthew 28:19-20. Recently, WHOLE Magazine was able to chat with Hill few moments to speak more about her struggle with homosexuality as a teen.
WHOLE Magazine: What has kept you dedicated to spreading your message of deliverance amidst all of your opposition?
Jackie Hill: I think one reason would be seeing the fruitfulness of it. I see more people thirsting for Jesus, wanting Jesus, wanting change because of "my" message than I do opposition. Secondly, Christ already warned us in the scriptures that His followers would receive persecution so I already expected it. But persecution doesn't make me want to shut my mouth; it reminds me of how much more I need to shout from the rooftops about the things Christ has done.
W: What has been most rewarding about sharing your story with others?
H: Seeing people believe in Jesus for the impossible. It is a joy. There are so many lies being proclaimed in the media, through music and even in some "pulpits" so, to see people believe truth and be willing to give up everything they are used to because they finally see that Christ is worth it, is amazing.
W: When did you first begin to realize that homosexuality was not the life you were called to lead? What was that moment (those moments) like?
H: I knew when I first started having those desires at the age of five that it was wrong. God has given us all a moral compass rooted in His word, and mine was letting me know truth early. But when I was an active homosexual, my conscious dealt with me daily and it was hard. I would become very fearful so, I would smoke weed in an attempt to block out the truth.
W: How do you feel growing up without a father affected you emotionally/spiritually?
H: I think not having a father just made me feel rejected in some ways by men. It made me look at all men as if they were untrustworthy and that women were. I was more willing to be vulnerable and give my heart to a woman for emotional satisfaction than I would to a male. It definitely affected how I thought, which affected my actions later in life.
W: What do you believe was most satisfying and appealing about living a homosexual lifestyle, the thing that kept you so drawn to it?
H: The attention and affirmation I received. I never got much attention from men. I was never the ”cute chick” but when I became a stud, it seemed like every girl wanted me. I would be in straight clubs and have girls throwing themselves at me. For a girl that's insecure and craves to feel loved, that was like a drug for me.
W: How did your family/friends respond when you began to openly embrace homosexuality?
H: My family didn’t say too much about it. I think they were confused at where it came from. Some blamed themselves, as if they could've done something to prevent it. Most reminded me that they loved me regardless of my decision. My friends didn’t care. They all embraced my girlfriends and me as if it was normal.
W: How did your family/friends respond when you began to openly speak against homosexuality?
H: As for my family, I still really don't know what they thought. The majority of my family members are not believers in Christ so, I didn't expect them to applaud me speaking against any sin because that would convict them as well. They still respect my views though. It my friends caught them off guard because my change seemed to come out of nowhere. Many of them respected me, but majority of them rejected me.
W: What is one of the memorable stories someone has told/sent you about their own deliverance after hearing you speak?
H: The most memorable is a letter I received from a girl who was a homosexual. She was very active in her church. She was on the praise team, poetry team, and her father was the pastor. She said they showed the "My Life as a Stud " poem during a service one day and she could feel a weight being lifted off of her. She said she went to her father and told him that she was done with that lifestyle and wanted to follow Jesus. She ended the letter by saying that no laying of the hands, or oil anointments is what changed her; it was simply hearing someone say they'd truly changed and that Jesus was the source. That story has encouraged me the most.
W: What can we expect next from you publicly? (i.e., spoken word videos, conference appearance, album, book, etc.)
H: I have a DVD available on my website JackieEHill.com. I also have a few projects that I'm working on such as videos for my YouTube channel, another DVD by summer, and hopefully an album by December. “Jackie” is doing a whole bunch, but the goal is that Jesus will be seen, and known.
Hill, 23, can be described as nothing short of dynamic when it comes to her passion to see a radical change in the lives of Christians everywhere, especially those who may have allowed the overwhelming amount of freedom Americans have been given to desensitize the majority to the urgency of the Great Commission given to us by Christ in Matthew 28:19-20. Recently, WHOLE Magazine was able to chat with Hill few moments to speak more about her struggle with homosexuality as a teen.
WHOLE Magazine: What has kept you dedicated to spreading your message of deliverance amidst all of your opposition?
Jackie Hill: I think one reason would be seeing the fruitfulness of it. I see more people thirsting for Jesus, wanting Jesus, wanting change because of "my" message than I do opposition. Secondly, Christ already warned us in the scriptures that His followers would receive persecution so I already expected it. But persecution doesn't make me want to shut my mouth; it reminds me of how much more I need to shout from the rooftops about the things Christ has done.
W: What has been most rewarding about sharing your story with others?
H: Seeing people believe in Jesus for the impossible. It is a joy. There are so many lies being proclaimed in the media, through music and even in some "pulpits" so, to see people believe truth and be willing to give up everything they are used to because they finally see that Christ is worth it, is amazing.
W: When did you first begin to realize that homosexuality was not the life you were called to lead? What was that moment (those moments) like?
H: I knew when I first started having those desires at the age of five that it was wrong. God has given us all a moral compass rooted in His word, and mine was letting me know truth early. But when I was an active homosexual, my conscious dealt with me daily and it was hard. I would become very fearful so, I would smoke weed in an attempt to block out the truth.
W: How do you feel growing up without a father affected you emotionally/spiritually?
H: I think not having a father just made me feel rejected in some ways by men. It made me look at all men as if they were untrustworthy and that women were. I was more willing to be vulnerable and give my heart to a woman for emotional satisfaction than I would to a male. It definitely affected how I thought, which affected my actions later in life.
W: What do you believe was most satisfying and appealing about living a homosexual lifestyle, the thing that kept you so drawn to it?
H: The attention and affirmation I received. I never got much attention from men. I was never the ”cute chick” but when I became a stud, it seemed like every girl wanted me. I would be in straight clubs and have girls throwing themselves at me. For a girl that's insecure and craves to feel loved, that was like a drug for me.
W: How did your family/friends respond when you began to openly embrace homosexuality?
H: My family didn’t say too much about it. I think they were confused at where it came from. Some blamed themselves, as if they could've done something to prevent it. Most reminded me that they loved me regardless of my decision. My friends didn’t care. They all embraced my girlfriends and me as if it was normal.
W: How did your family/friends respond when you began to openly speak against homosexuality?
H: As for my family, I still really don't know what they thought. The majority of my family members are not believers in Christ so, I didn't expect them to applaud me speaking against any sin because that would convict them as well. They still respect my views though. It my friends caught them off guard because my change seemed to come out of nowhere. Many of them respected me, but majority of them rejected me.
W: What is one of the memorable stories someone has told/sent you about their own deliverance after hearing you speak?
H: The most memorable is a letter I received from a girl who was a homosexual. She was very active in her church. She was on the praise team, poetry team, and her father was the pastor. She said they showed the "My Life as a Stud " poem during a service one day and she could feel a weight being lifted off of her. She said she went to her father and told him that she was done with that lifestyle and wanted to follow Jesus. She ended the letter by saying that no laying of the hands, or oil anointments is what changed her; it was simply hearing someone say they'd truly changed and that Jesus was the source. That story has encouraged me the most.
W: What can we expect next from you publicly? (i.e., spoken word videos, conference appearance, album, book, etc.)
H: I have a DVD available on my website JackieEHill.com. I also have a few projects that I'm working on such as videos for my YouTube channel, another DVD by summer, and hopefully an album by December. “Jackie” is doing a whole bunch, but the goal is that Jesus will be seen, and known.
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HilHill currently works as the Female Mentorship Coordinator at Grip Outreach for youth in Chicago, IL. For booking information, E-mailjackiehillbooking@gmail.com.
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