Stuck in the ashes
Of guilt and shame.
I try to grip the earth below me
But for miles all I can see,
Are
ashes and dust all around me
They dissipate beneath my feet
Leaving me unsteady
They dissipate beneath my feet
Leaving me unsteady
Engulfing
me in a sea of grey confetti.
-Leilani
Glassmyer
I am a survivor of childhood abuse which led to ongoing abuse into my adult years. At times that's been hard to say as it tends to come with a stigma attached to it; a stigma of being damaged goods, disgusting, or that somehow you must have caused or allowed it to happen. Though I have always been open about my life and testimony, there have been times where I felt ashamed of it. God has opened my eyes to the fact that many have been through and are still going through abuse. It could be one event that has left you in shambles even years after or ongoing abuse. It could be sexual, physical or emotional abuse suffered and endured for many years but because of it you have never felt like you could ever be the same again. As much as it may be publicized in the media it is still a taboo when it comes to many individuals. It is heavy on my heart as there have been many times in my life where it felt like it takes everything I've got to stay afloat in this sea of ashes.
What
are ashes?
The
remains of something destroyed; ruins.
That
“something” destroyed could be many things;
Your
innocence or childhood
Your
body, heart or mind
Your
ability to trust or love
Your
security or safety
Your
past
“And
provide for those who grieve in Zion-- to bestow on them a crown of beauty
instead of ashes, the oil of joy instead of mourning, and a garment of
praise instead of a spirit of despair. They will be called oaks of
righteousness, a planting of the LORD for the display of his splendor.”-Isaiah
61:3
Steps
to help you get out of the ashes:
*Do
not become defined by what has happened to you. You are not what
someone did to you. When you become defined by your hurt your
heart becomes fertile ground for bitterness, anger and unforgiveness.
*God
CAN and WILL pull you from the ashes (if you allow and
commit yourself/your healing to Him)
“God
wants you to be delivered from what you have done and from what has been done to
you - Both are equally important to Him.”-Joyce Meyer
*SPEAK.
Share your story and testimony. You have no idea how
liberating it is to not be bound by secrets, but instead sharing what you have
endured to help and inspire others. Others need to hear your story
to help them to get out of the ashes!
*FORGIVE.
The most difficult thing you can do, but necessary is to forgive.
Believe me I know how terribly difficult this is and it will be an
ongoing process. Jesus said, “Father,
forgive them, for they do not know what they are
doing.”-Luke 23:34
“Forgiveness
is not always easy. At times, it feels more painful than the wound we suffered,
to forgive the one that inflicted it. And yet, there is no peace without
forgiveness.”
-Elisabeth
Elliot
The National Domestic Violence
Hotline:
1-800-799-SAFE(7233)
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