Homeschooling: 3 Things I’ve Learned

This fall, we are entering our fifth year of homeschooling. Our third child will start kindergarten, so we will officially have more children in school than not. Over the last few years, I have learned many things about my children’s learning styles, temperaments, and intellect. However, in the same way, I have learned a great amount about who I am and how God created me.

As a mom who teaches my children at home, I have come to understand that it is vital for me to know who I am and be content in who God created me to be. If you are familiar with “The Four Temperaments,” I am a sanguine. As such, I like to make the home fun. I can handle any disaster with humor and a good dance session. However, I struggle with hyper-organization. Oftentimes, my children have an easier time of staying on schedule than I do. Embracing these observations in myself and diligently not comparing myself to others of different personalities has given me the freedom to run my house in a way that works for us and accomplishes God’s purposes at the same time.

These are a few tips that I have begun to use that make homeschooling work for us.

1. We have a rhythm, not a schedule. As I mentioned before, firm day-to-day schedules overwhelm me. Therefore, my family functions on a rhythm. We all get up at the same time, get dressed, eat breakfast, and then start school. My benchmark for this is 9:00 a.m. It is my goal to transition from household duties into our school day by this time. Once our school day gets started, each of my kids has a different order in which to do their work. This allows me to work with each of the children one-on-one at various times of the morning. Again, the most important concept to me is not that we stay within the exact time frame, but that the children know, once they finish a certain task, it is time for the next. At 10:30, we all take a break. They play outside while I usually switch the laundry from washer to dryer or something exciting like that. I have found that I do better when I can see tangible accomplishments throughout the day. So in the midst of working on reading with my first grader (a more long-term task), I feel accomplished because I completed a load of laundry. After break, we come back together for more schooling. We break again at lunch, and then the older children finish whatever schoolwork they haven’t already completed. They also practice their musical instruments or play sports. Therefore, a specific time might look different each day, but there is a rhythm that stays the same.
2. Everyone has time alone and time in a group every day. Just like me, my kids all have different temperaments. For my introverts, they need to work with others in the room. However, they also need time alone to refocus and recharge. For my extroverts, they need to understand the benefit of quiet and alone time as well as enjoy the fun of everyone being together. My youngest, at age 2, is already a definite extrovert. It is hard for her to be by herself. However, last year, I carved out 30 minutes on every homeschool day for her to practice playing by herself. She did not like it, but it benefited everyone. Even I take a time out after lunch to have my quiet and Bible study time. I put my little ones down to nap, my older children begin their school work again, and I grab a cup of coffee, and sit down with God.
3. It takes all kinds to make the world go around. Some of my kids excel at academics, some don’t. Some work well in groups, some don’t. Some thrive on schedule and organization; some (like me) are more creative and relaxed. After four years of homeschooling, this idea has become paramount: We are different, but we are good for each other. Oftentimes I wish I was more detailed-oriented or naturally organized. But God reminds me that He created me for a purpose. I can encourage my daughter who is very task oriented to notice people more and consider their feelings. However, she is good for me and helps me stay on task and inspires me to work on ways to improve my organization skills. This training in the home is very applicable in the world. In the church or in the workplace, we will encounter different personality types. In each situation, we can appreciate each of our strengths and learn from each other to improve on our weaknesses.

Maybe you can identify with some of the lessons I have learned in the last four years.Have you been trying to be someone you are not in your homeschooling? Have you accepted your kids for who they are, complete with the personalities God gave them? After these first years of homeschooling, there are still areas where I want to improve, but the lessons God has taught me about myself have been priceless.

Melanie Lenow loves the Lord with all her heart and desires to glorify Him with the ministry to which he has called her (Col 4:17). That ministry includes being a wife to her husband, Dr. Evan Lenow, who teaches ethics at Southwestern Seminary, and raising and nurturing her four beautiful children. In her local church, she loves serving the ladies as leader of their women’s ministry, One Heart.

If You Got It, Flaunt It, Right?

“If you got it, flaunt it!” …So goes the advice to women around the world.

If you want to attract a man, you have to put yourself on display—you’ve got to be sexy. Lest I make this sound like a diatribe against secular culture, I should mention that Christians have offered me this advice too. Well-meaning but (in my opinion) misguided women have suggested that if I ever wanted to get married, I needed to “advertise” more.

I have been thinking a lot about this over the past month, and I have to admit that I wasn’t sure I even wanted to talk about this here. I worried people would think, “There is just another one of those frumpy, outdated, Christian women wishing for the good ole days of Victorian England (or whatever era was most prudish).” Let me be clear, I don’t think there is anything wrong with taking care of your body and wanting to look beautiful.

But “sexy”? …Let’s think about that together.

Hearing how the word “sexy” is thrown around in everyday conversations, it’s everywhere! Everything from food to cars is now “sexy.” (I can’t lie—there is something special about a bacon cheeseburger!) But it seems almost anything can be considered sexy today. Back in the 1990s Kenny Chesney sang about a girl who thought his tractor was sexy. In 2006 Justin Timberlake crooned that he was bringing sexy back. During the 2013 Superbowl, even a web hosting company was called sexy (I wish I could un-see that commercial!)

Some people find the word empowering—others offensive.

Also, in 2013, ESPN Sports announcer Brent Musburger came under fire for gushing over Katherine Webb (the girlfriend of Alabama quarterback AJ McCarron), calling her “beautiful.” Musburger was immediately criticized for his remark, and a flurry of Internet and Twitter commentary followed. Some felt that it was inappropriate for a 73-year-old man to comment on the looks of a 23-year-old young woman. In an interview with the Today Show’s Matt Lauer, Webb said something interesting:

“I think the media has been really unfair to (Musburger). I think if he had said something along the line if we were hot or sexy, I think that would be a little bit different…The fact that he said we were beautiful and gorgeous, I don’t think any woman wouldn’t be flattered by that. I appreciate it, but at the same time I don’t think I needed an apology.” *

Webb’s comments got me thinking—what is it about the word “sexy” that would have been offensive to her, especially in light of the fact that so many things in our culture are called this very word? I think it comes down to its basic meaning. Sexy means, “sexually suggestive or stimulating.”** Though the words beautiful and sexy may be considered interchangeable, they have two very different meanings.

So, if being sexy means being “sexually suggestive,” I have to wonder, is sexy a sin?

Let’s consider these two women:

• The Shulamite of Song of Solomon – Though the word “sexy” is not found in the book of Song of Solomon, I think we can safely make the argument that the bride groom found his bride sexy. Chapter seven alone (with some pretty blush-worthy descriptions) makes clear that this man is captivated by his young bride. Within the marriage relationship, it’s natural and good that a husband and wife find each other sexy. God designed marriage as the only right setting for sexual intimacy (Gen. 2:24). So, for a husband to find his wife sexually attractive is a good thing (Check out Prov. 5:15-20, which also speaks about the rightness of sexual attraction within a marriage).

However, outside of the covenant relationship of marriage, here’s what God says about a woman being “sexy”:

• The Immoral Woman of Proverbs 7 – This woman used her looks and words to ensnare and entice men into sin. The Bible says she used the way she was dressed with “crafty intent.” Notice her motive—she was seeking to trip up the men who crossed her path. She wanted them to find her sexually attractive and suggestive. She drew attention to herself and intentionally put herself in situations where she would be noticed. The intent of her heart was not for the good of others.

Bottom line: The only appropriate person for a woman to be sexy around is her own husband.

What does that mean for our interactions with every other member of the opposite sex? I once heard a woman say that guys could find almost any outfit suggestive, and it was up to men to keep their minds out of the gutter. But that is a “me-first” kind of attitude that doesn’t belong in Christian thinking and ignores our responsibility. Instead, we’re called to have an “others-first” mindset, even if that means suspending some of your own rights for the sake of a weaker brother. Romans 14:13 encourages “Make up your mind not to put any stumbling block or obstacle in the way of a brother or sister.”

Ladies, we have some thinking to do when it comes to how we dress and interact with guys.

Do we have “crafty intent” like the Proverbs 7 woman when it comes to our clothes and our body language, or are we committed to adorning ourselves with modesty, which is fitting for women who profess Christ (1 Tim. 2:9)?

Despite the fact that the world (and, unfortunately, some women in the church), push “sexiness” as a feminine virtue, I encourage you, my sisters, to think about what is pleasing to the Lord.  “Charm is deceitful, and beauty is vain, but a woman who fears the Lord is to be praised.” (Prov. 31:30)

(For some great tips about modesty, check out Amanda Walker’s article.)

Article Source:

*http://www.usatoday.com/story/gameon/2013/01/09/katherine-webb-didnt-need-brent-musburger-apology/1820117/

**http://www.merriam-webster.com/dictionary/sexy

Candi Finch serves as Assistant Professor of Theology in Women’s Studies at Southwestern. She loves used book stores, travelling, getting to teach young women, and eating any food (especially bacon) she doesn't have to cook herself! Her secret ambition in life is to compete on Survivor or The Amazing Ra

How to Thrive (Not Just Survive) in Seminary

A little over eleven years ago, I began my seminary journey as a master’s student with great enthusiasm and anticipation to see what God had in store for me. After spending four years at a secular university where my faith was often ridiculed by professors, seminary was a welcome breath of fresh air. I had the opportunity to learn biblical truth from men and women with an infectious passion for the Word of God, and I got to build relationships with fellow students who shared my heart for ministry. Life was incredible!

Unfortunately, as it sometimes happens, I had a few bumps in the road, and I experienced some trouble in my little Camelot. There were a few semesters when I barely managed to survive my classes and really wanted to quit. However, there were other times when I just thrived and experienced the high of my early years in seminary.  As I have begun teaching, I have started really thinking about what distinguished those difficult days in my journey. Here are a few lessons I learned the hard way – either through my own life or by watching a friend struggle –about how to thrive as a seminary student.

Don’t neglect your devotional life.

There is a danger in seminary of allowing your time with the Lord to become an academic exercise. You will have to read the Bible for class, and if you are not careful, you can view your time with the Lord as a homework assignment. When I notice myself start to struggle with this, I pray that the Lord would give me a Psalm 42 kind of hunger for Him and His Word: “As the deer pants for the water brooks, So pants my soul for You, O God.” Pray against the temptation to make your relationship with Christ a “task” and protect your time with Him!

Do pursue excellence in your school work.

Remember that school is one of your primary assignments during this season of life. Do it with excellence – not for a grade –  but because it honors our Savior. Now, excellence doesn’t mean that you will get an “A” in every class, but it does mean you will not be ashamed to present your effort to the Lord. Colossians 3:17 encourages us  that “whatever you do, in word or in deed, do everything in the name of the Lord Jesus, giving thanks to God the Father through Him.” That means that even parsing Greek verbs in a homework assignment can be done for His glory!

Don’t procrastinate.

This area, more than any other, was a struggle for me. Procrastination often robs you of the opportunity of learning everything God may have for you in a class. Instead of really digging into assignments to see what God wants to teach you through writing a research paper or reading a book, you end up just barely getting through requirements. Noting this impact, Thomas H. Benton once wrote, “Students often postpone required readings and assigned preparations, making it hard for them to understand their classes the next day. Gradually, lectures and discussions that were once interesting start to seem boring and irrelevant, and the temptation to skip classes becomes greater and greater, especially when the classes are in the morning. Be careful of falling into this trap!

Do be involved in some type of ministry and actively share your faith.

Now you may not be able to be as involved in ministry while in school, but if you cut this out of your life, I can guarantee you that seminary will be difficult.  Involvement in ministry and evangelism adds fuel to the fires of your faith. You get reminded why you are investing your time in study in the first place. For me, investing in the lives of teenage girls in my local church has kept me grounded and reminded me of the importance of my seminary training. I was not in seminary to gorge myself on knowledge; I received my training so I could more effectively minister to those girls and others that God brings into my life. If you are not careful, seminary will turn into a very selfish pursuit. God has allowed you this time to become a workman who knows how to effectively handle His Word, and He has done this for the building up of His Kingdom. It’s all about Him!

Don’t neglect family and friends.

You cannot go this journey alone. Ecclesiastes 4:12b warns us, “…woe to him who is alone when he falls and has not another to lift him up!” Isolating yourself is a sure way to invite struggle into your journey. If you are married, make sure your family isn’t always last in line for your attention. But whether married or single, make sure you get to know your fellow classmates and pray for them regularly. Students who do this find their classes more meaningful because of it.

Do pray for the Holy Spirit to teach and refine you so that at the end of the semester you look more like Christ than you did at the beginning.

Sitting in a seminary class should change you because you are being exposed to the Word of God and it pierces to the soul and marrow (Heb 4:12). One of my most memorable classes in seminary was Biblical Theology of Womanhood with Mrs. Patterson. I came into the class not wanting to accept her position about gender roles. We had to read the entire Bible in the semester, and Mrs. Patterson faithfully proclaimed God’s truth week after week. I was miserable! I finally had to decide whether or not I was going to accept what God was clearly teaching me from His Word or whether I was just going to be rebellious and hold to my own opinion. My prayer for each of my students is not that they would have more knowledge at the end of the semester, but that they would be more like Christ because they have allowed God to mold and shape them through His Word.

Seminary is no walk in the park. It is difficult, but I truly believe that sometimes we do things to make it harder on ourselves. I pray that you will be able to look back on your seminary days as precious times of refining and strengthening. I pray that you will thrive in your journey and allow God to do all the He has planned through you during these days.

Candi Finch serves as Assistant Professor of Theology in Women’s Studies at Southwestern. She loves used book stores, travelling, getting to teach young women, and eating any food (especially bacon) she doesn’t have to cook herself! Her secret ambition in life is to compete on Survivor or The Amazing Race.

Pregnancy and Loss: 3 Things I Know For Sure

At first, I was certain I would not write this. It’s deeply personal. It’s sad. It’s just plain not the kind of thing you go around advertising. You don’t talk about it much, because, how do you bring up bad news without being a complainer or a Debby Downer? You don’t talk about it because you so don’t want to be pitied…But you do so want to be hugged.

I wasn’t going to write this. “Leave it for someone else,” I thought. Someone else will have the same hurt and write about it and minister to the rest of us. Someone else.

But I just couldn’t shake it. I can’t shake the truth that I know God allows us to walk rough roads so that we can comfort others who walk those roads. It’s straight from Scripture.

“Blessed be the God and Father of our Lord Jesus Christ, the Father of mercies and God of all comfort, who comforts us in all our affliction so that we will be able to comfort those who are in any affliction with the comfort with which we ourselves are comforted by God.” – 2 Corinthians 1:4

I doubt most people realized anything had been amiss. My absence from social media and even my own blog probably didn’t raise any questions, although I certainly felt conspicuously absent from my life for several months. I still showed up to most of my regularly scheduled meetings and only let tears slip down my cheeks in public on a few occasions when I just couldn’t stop them up any more, and even then I was quick to sweep them away with a quick swipe of the thumb and a deep breath to stem the tide.

But, despite trying to go on with life, despite trying to be a ‘big girl,’ despite trying to hold it all together— the truth is that those months were some of the most trying of my entire life. I’m sharing this story now and here because I simply want to be faithful to allow the Lord to use the pain He’s seen fit to let into my life as a healing balm to someone else’s soul—someone else who has been covered in despair and who feels the weight of it like dirt shoveled over a grave.

I was in the eighth week of pregnancy when the doctor looked at my husband and me apologetically and said it was not good news. A miscarriage was likely inevitable. We were shocked. Just seconds before she had walked into the tiny room, we had done a quick check of the questions we were going to remember to ask—the first being, ‘When could we find out the gender?’

It seemed so amiss and yet so routine that as she delivered the news and said we could check once more for better results in a few days, that happy music kept filtering through the speakers in the ceiling. It seemed the stereo should have realized that this was not a happy moment. In the movies it rains on bad days, and the music fills with minor chords to match the mood. This, though, felt so out of place. It was not what we were expecting.

The waiting was especially trying, as, although we got the bad news in week eight, weeks nine, 10, 11 and 12 ticked ever so slowly by as we waited for the “end.” We hoped to avoid surgery if at all possible, but those days of waiting were so, so very long. The weeks dragged on forever. We desired to deal with it, put it in the rearview mirror and move on, as much as possible. To return to joy. To return to normalcy. Personally, I wanted to stop having morning sickness for a baby I’d never hold in my arms. I wanted to climb down off the insane hormone high on which I had been deposited. I wanted to eat a normal amount of food again instead of two breakfasts, two lunches, huge dinners and endless snacks. It seemed like at every turn there was another huge reminder of the pregnancy that wasn’t. The symptoms taunted me. What the doctor had said was a “sign that this was a healthy pregnancy” was now not a sign of anything at all.

Finally, in week 13, it was over.

I’m convinced there is no “easy” way to lose a baby. While we managed to avoid costly and more invasive options, the “natural” option we “selected” was frankly and honestly terrible—an experience I wish were so less common than statistics show it is.

Did you realize that as much as 25 percent of pregnancies end in miscarriage? That means that for every three couples who make a pregnancy Facebook-official, one couple is mourning a devastating loss.

And most likely, they’re mourning silently.

For a myriad of reasons, most people don’t talk about it. This silence has created a vacuum of help and hope. When we don’t share and don’t use our past pain to comfort and encourage others, we do ourselves and each other a disservice and disregard our Lord’s instructions. We miss the chance to steward well the trials the Lord lets into our lives. While it is often the last thing we want to hear when we’re shoulders-deep in turmoil, we know that according to what the Lord had James write in his epistle, trials have an important purpose in our lives, ultimately leading to our “lacking in nothing” (James 1:2-4).

So, not knowing what your individual story is, but being certain that so many of you share this hurt, I simply want to sit down with you criss-cross-apple-sauce on my red suede couch where we can both be vulnerable and let God minister to us.

This is not the end of the road, sister. This is not the end of happy days. It’s not the end of hope. It’s hard to see right now as devastation seems the theme of your waking hours, but God has not forsaken us. He is still faithful. He is still good. This is the part where we cling tightly to what we know to be true and what we’ve studied all those quiet mornings we’ve spent with the Lord before the storm. Now is when we use the armor we’ve spent quiet time after quiet time buffing and shining. When we don’t know what to pray anymore, and we don’t have the oomph to open the Word, we cling to what He’s already taught us and already shown us. We say, ‘thank you’ to those who have genuinely agreed to share our burden and to lift us up in daily prayer to the Father. We let them carry us to Him for a while. Sister, He’s quite acquainted with broken souls. He knows what it is to grieve so hard that sobs wrack your frame as you crumple to a heap on the cold ground. Again. And again. And again.

And if you don’t already know Him and have that relationship with Him, He’d love nothing more than to take care of that right now. His arms are open. He’ll carry you and your burdens. He’ll wipe your tears and lead you to a place where you can lie down in peace and truly rest. He’s waiting for you to call out to Him. He’ll be faithful to answer.

No matter where you find yourself today, here’s what I want you to know. Here’s what I would say to you from one grief-ridden girl to another as we fill a trash can with tear-drenched tissues.

1. It’s okay to not be okay. You and I are not superwomen, despite what we me may have tried to make ourselves think. We aren’t impermeable to life’s sorrows, and we don’t have to act like we are. Life, like years, is full of seasons. Ecclesiastes 3 tells us there are seasons for everything. If you’re in the season of sorrow, wear the appropriate clothing. Don’t bring your sunglasses to a rainy day. If you need an umbrella, grab it. Don’t try to be bigger than the seasons. That’s God’s place. We are simply set here on earth and asked to walk through the weather He allows. If you need to cry, cry. If you need to sob, sob. If you need to retract from the busyness of normal life to grieve, do it. Don’t be afraid to be sad. It’s okay. Sad things should make us sad. When we love greatly and extravagantly, we have to realize that the flip side of that coin is that when heartache comes, it’s going to sting. Bad. That’s okay. This won’t last forever. But if you just paint over your grief and don’t work through it, it might. Deal with it now so that you actually can move on when God allows this season to change to the next.
2. Hope does come in the morning. The sun will shine again. You will dream again. You will laugh again. Things will excite you again and cause you to smile again. God is so gracious to us. Somehow, in his sovereign wisdom, he has orchestrated time to help heal our wounds. While you will always carry a small piece of this hurt, as the days go forward, little by little, the hurt will heal. The memory won’t go away, but somehow it will get easier. A friend of mine and her husband actually experienced this same trial just a short time ago. I thought it was so fitting that they gave their heavenly baby the name, “Hope.” Even in their pain, they trusted God’s hand and His character. They knew, no matter what the future looked like, that they could hope because they truly believe the God they serve to indeed be a good God.
3. The Lord can work this pain for good. I’m well aware of how hard it is to believe that or even care when you’re in the thick of a pain this deep. Who cares what good comes later when the good you wanted was just ripped away? Certainly I thought that at times. But the thing is, when it really comes down to it, I do believe that God withholds no good thing from those who walk uprightly (Psalm 84:11). What I imagined would be really good for me and my family was not the thing that God foresaw to be good. Perhaps this painful time is really an act of mercy on the part of my Father. Perhaps he knew that a chromosomal problem would have plagued my child with a very difficult and painful life and saw fit to spare the child of a lifetime of suffering in exchange for an immediate entry into heaven. We’ll never know this side of heaven. 

I also believe that it is a simple fact of the matter that we live in a sin sick world. People get sick. We suffer. We die. We all do. And while God does not withhold all of that suffering from our Christian lives, He prepares us to minister to one another as we walk through it. He has instituted a beautiful way for some of his children to reach out and care for others of his children as they walk through the rocky roads that wrap around this fallen earth. It’s exactly as He says in 2 Corinthians 1:4. He comforts us so that we can turn around and share the same comfort with others. Whatever pain you have today, know that there will come a day when another soul crosses your path—shoulders drooping, eyes ready to spill salty tears over the brim like an overcome dam—when they will need you to take their hand, hug there neck, listen to their hurt and be the one to remind them of the promises of hope and changing seasons we have in Christ Jesus.

So today, sweet sister, take a breath. Cry if you need to. Wear your sweats if you need to. Take a long nap if you need to. Ask for prayer, accept help, grieve your loss and hold on to the hope that a fresh hope will come. You may not feel like it’s close, and maybe it’s still a bit of a ways off, but know that despite how far away it feels, it is coming. Remember that the night is indeed darkest before the dawn of morning

Sharayah is a news writer for the Southern Baptists of Texas Convention, owner of Colter & Co. Design (colterco.com) and serves in girls' ministry at Birchman Baptist Church. When she's not busy with church and seminary, Sharayah loves to plan adventures, make up healthy recipes and laugh as much as possible. You can follow and connect with Sharayah at her home blog.

Navigating the Undefined Relationship

It’s the agony and the ecstasy, isn't it? An amazing godly man shows interest in you, and you want to know if this is “the one.” Like, now. 

Fear looms on the horizon and the emotional stakes are high. You want to do the right thing, you long to honor the Lord, but what does that look like in this undefined relationship? How do you risk the chance at love while guarding your heart from unnecessary anguish?

I spent long years wrestling with this question, and it has been the subject of countless conversations with other single friends. We girls long for clarity, guarantees, and a fail-proof method for falling in love with the right guy at the right time.

But there are none.

After many years of singleness, I realized there is only one Guarantee, and His name is Jesus. The rest is not promised to us. God gives us light and grace for one step at a time, inviting us to fix our eyes and hearts on Him as we tread on high places.

God the Lord is my strength;

    He makes my feet like the deer’s,

        He makes me tread on my high places.  Habakkuk 3:19

While I was in the thick of this struggle as a single woman, I wrote a list of principles that helped me navigate my high places. These principles were the light and grace God gave me for precarious steps. They held me together when my heart was coming undone, and reminded me of what was true in the midst of great confusion.

9 principles for navigating the undefined relationship

Pursue sincere love. “Having purified your souls by your obedience to the truth for a sincere brotherly love, love one another earnestly from a pure heart.” 1 Peter 1:22

Pray, pray, pray. Then pray some more! (1 Thessalonians 5:17)

Pick someone else's brain. Seek wisdom and input from wise, godly people in your life. Surround yourself with truth-tellers who love you and want what's best for you. (Proverbs 15:22)

Practice patience. Wait on God, not on a man. We will do this for the rest of our lives, as wives and mothers too, each day giving us another opportunity to set our hope on the Lord and wait for His timing and purposes in our lives. (Isaiah 64:4)

Promise nothing outside of a relationship. Don’t give all of your precious time, energy, emotions, physical affections, and daydreams to a man who isn’t interested in you enough to pursue a relationship with you. If he’s not committing, you shouldn't either. (Proverbs 4:23)

Purpose that Christ will be your first love, whether you are single, dating, engaged, or married. No man can or ever will be God. Let man be man and God be God! (Isaiah 40:6-8,18)

Provide a safe place. From your inward motivations to your clothes and body language, ask the Lord to make you a woman who is beautifully safe for a man to know and be around. Are you prodding him on sexually, or are you encouraging him in the Lord? (Ephesians 5:3)

Preach truth to yourself. Don’t listen to your emotions; command them! Stay in the Word and do what it says. (Jeremiah 17:9; 1 John 3:20; James 1:22-25)

Praise the Lord continually. He gives and He takes away. He is always good, and He knows what He’s doing. And He’s wise enough to not always give us what we think we’ll die without. (Romans 11:33-36)

The ultimate goal

Brick walls don’t risk relationships; people with hopes and feelings do. We all experience some form of brokenness and heartache on our way to the altar, but God’s wisdom can guard us from foolish and rash decisions. Moreover, a heart that is filled to the brim with Christ and His love, is a heart that will win the battle against idolatry and weather the brokenness when it comes.

On this side of marriage, I look back on some of my undefined relationships with guys and shake my head. Even with all my good intentions, prayers of surrender, and the principles above, I had to wade through the waters of confusion and heartache to realize just how desperately I needed Jesus in this area of my life.

And somewhere along the way, I finally started living like marriage was not my ultimate goal. Christ was. In the end, when Eddie and I said “I do,” we realized that God had pulled off the impossible—and He alone would get the glory.

Dear one waiting long on the Lord, I’m praying that your heart will be full of faith to see God do the impossible in your own life as you tread on your own high places. 

He is not finished with you yet…

Colleen Chao blogs about her journey from singleness to marriage to motherhood. Colleen makes her home in Redlands, California with her strong and handsome husband, Edward. A wee little man named Jeremy joined the Chaos on July 17, 2011, adding to the joy (and sleeplessness) of the journey.

Honor Who God Made You to Be

We all have those moments, days and sometimes even years of feeling inadequate, inferior and just plain unlovely. If we are not careful those things will consume us, our lives and how we I view ourselves and those around us.

God spoke this to me recently in one of those bouts of insecurity and inadequacy, “honor who you are; who I made you to be.”

Often times we want to tell God that we will honor who we are once we first change ourselves and overhaul who we are, until there is no original version left of us at all to honor. So we honor who we want to be instead of who God made us to be. 

"Yes, God, I will honor who I am once I remove who you made me to be. Once I lose all this weight, once I get plastic surgery to fix what you created incorrectly."

What we see as imperfection and flawed, God sees at remarkable and His most incredible masterpiece. We want to take Gods “Mona Lisa” and throw some filters on it to make His original piece of art unrecognizable. 

The bigger picture here is that God created us intricately with a lot of planning and not even the tiniest detail was left spared. “For we are his workmanship, created in Christ Jesus for good works, which God prepared beforehand, that we should walk in them.” (Ephesians 2:10 ESV)  

To dishonor what God has lovingly made is a slap in the face of God and the ultimate disrespect. He made our individual personality, heart, mind, thoughts, physical features and stature for His purposes. God did not make a mistake; we are just misinterpreting His art work. Have you ever looked at a piece of artwork and thought, “what the heck is that?” Art is subjective just as beauty is in the eye of the beholder and our ultimate and only qualified beholder is Jesus Christ.

There's nothing more draining or depressing than wishing you were the one sitting next you; the one you will never be, but yet are still utterly and seemingly hopelessly consumed by.  

There is no benefit of wishing you were someone else, no pay off just bitterness and contempt. I don't know about you but I don't have that kind of energy to waste.  We have to stay busy and focused on using what Gods given us right now to fulfill His call on our lives and we cannot allow insecurity to steal our destinies.  

How do we honor who God made us to be?

• We must take care of ourselves. This includes physically, spiritually, emotionally and mentally. Taking care of ourselves is one of the highest forms of honoring God because we are honoring the temple He created.  If we have balanced taking care of all parts of ourselves we will then be free to help those around us without feeling constantly drained.  Taking care of yourself also includes who you are allowing to be actively involved in your life even in your thoughts and emotions.  It is respecting ourselves in all facets.  Are there areas in your life that you could be taking better care of yourself and have more balance?
  
  “For God bought you with a high price. So you must honor God with your body.” (1 Corinthians 6:20 NLT)
  
  “Therefore, I urge you, brothers and sisters, in view of God's mercy, to offer your bodies as a living sacrifice, holy and pleasing to God--this is your true and proper worship.” (Romans 12:1 NIV)

• Using the tools God has entrusted with us in our lives now. We don’t sit around waiting for the temperature, conditions or circumstances to be just right to jump into where God needs us now. Where could you be of service right now in your life using the tools you have currently?  

• Work diligently and serve wholeheartedly for God. No matter what the task (even the most mundane); we must do earnestly and willingly for God not man.  We should live for an audience of one, God.  When we do that the inevitable affect will be that those around us will see us working and being the utmost best we can be (awesome how that works!).  I don’t care if you are changing diapers or flipping burgers, do it to the best of your ability and I guarantee you it will show Gods glory.
  
  “Work willingly at whatever you do, as though you were working for the Lord rather than for people.” (Colossians 3:23 NLT)
  
  “Serve wholeheartedly, as if you were serving the Lord, not people.” (Ephesians 6:7 NIV)

When you are honoring God by being who He created you to be you will face some obstacles. The enemy will try and hit us the hardest by going straight for the heart of who we are and who we were fashioned to be. If he can manipulate us to believe that we are less than, he can hinder us from our purpose and calling in one swift swoop; the one two punch knockout!  I want to leave you with this quote:

“Whenever you feel unloved, unimportant or insecure, remember (who you are) and whom you belong.”

Leilani is a single mom to a beautiful 4 year old little girl. She is in love with the Creator of the stars. Her mission is simple yet so big, to encourage and bring Jesus to all in need. To bring hope by loving people, writing, photography, music, poetry/spoken word and meeting people right where they are. God's Grace is her air.