Who Needs a Man?

Who needs a man? Right ladies? This phrase has bombarded conversations among women and some of us have conditioned ourselves to believe it! We’ve allowed high paying jobs, degrees, and other major accomplishments consume us until we believe this form of independence can replace the need for a man. However, we have been misinformed and taken this verbiage completely out of context. I’m not sure who said it first, but it is my hope she expressed she didn’t need an ungodly and unequally yoked man and somewhere along the lines the message was distorted. Stating, “I don’t need a man” in general has backfired on so many single women who really desire a husband. Your power is in the words you speak. So, if you are going around stating you don’t need a man, but you really desire a God fearing one, you may want to consider changing your words.

Proverbs 18:21, “ Death and life is in the power of the tongue, and those who love it will eat its fruit.”

When you approach God concerning your desires to be married and then negate your prayers by speaking against them, you are prolonging /stopping the process. God will answer your prayers, but you need to understand what you want and not be confused and tossed to and fro because society has convinced you that by wanting a husband and actually speaking on it, is a sign of weakness for the new age woman. This is not to say desiring a husband and seeking one should be your primary focus in life. We were all created to lean and depend on each other. It is natural to desire a husband to spend the rest of your life with. When God saw Adam without a mate, He created one for him (Genesis 2:18; 21-22); He has also created you for your own husband. So, it’s okay to have those desires. Your admittance acknowledges your need for companionship. Now that you’ve acknowledged want you want, have faith you will receive the person God has designed for you.

Mark 11: 24, “Therefore I say to you, whatever things you ask when you pray believe that you receive them, and you will have them.”

Having faith means you are waiting for God. You trust his will, timing, and you are committed to waiting for the man he is preparing for you. What it does not mean? It doesn’t mean you are trying to assist him by dating every male your flesh is attracted to, hoping your husband is revealed amongst the crowd. Having faith means you’ve made up in your mind that even though others are questioning God’s timing for your life, you believe God to work on your behalf. Most of us get frustrated in the process of waiting, so when others ask the dreadful question we respond, “I’m fine, I don’t need a man”, as a defense mechanism, instead of admitting we are waiting for the Lord. It sounds cliché, but so many do this to protect their feelings and to stop the questioning of others. We make excuses for God or our singleness when God doesn’t need an excuse. He’s working, we just need to have patience and not be afraid to tell others to be patient as well. Don’t try forcing a relationship with someone because others are pressuring you or because you believe your history with a certain ex constitutes the basis for sticking it out. Put your trust in God alone to bring your husband and leave it at that. He wants the best for you and he is preparing you to be the best for your future husband.

James 1:6, “But let him ask in faith, with no doubting, for he who doubts is like a wave of the sea driven and tossed by the wind. 7 For let not that man suppose that he will receive anything from the Lord; 8 he is a double-minded man, unstable in all his ways.”

So what does preparing for your husband look like? Simple, doing the will of the Father. It means you are seeking God for guidance in every area of your life and allowing his will to be at the forefront of thought. It means casting down the thoughts of not needing or wanting to be married to hold on to your independence and pacify other people’s opinions, when you truly desire a mate. It means being honest with yourself at all times and not getting overly consumed with your personal works that you forget God’s work. Not focusing on finding the man you desire so much that your desires become an idol. Make sure there is a balance between your desires and God’s plan for your life and God’s plan should weigh heavier on the scale. Allow God to work on you and develop your personality and characteristics of being a godly woman, and then a godly wife. Allow Him to operate in you and direct you to the people and places aligned with your destiny. God will give you a man who loves you according to His standards.

1 Corinthians 7:34, “There is a difference between and a wife and a virgin. The unmarried woman cares about the things of the Lord, that she may be holy both in body and spirit. But she who is married cares about the things of the world – how she may please her husband. 35 And I say this for your own profit, not that I may put a leash on you, but for what is proper, and that you may serve the Lord without distraction.”

God’s standards are given to us in His word. He reveals the type of man we should wait for: the man who desires to love us as Christ loves the Church (Ephesians 5:25), the man who submits to God and wants to lead his household in the same manner. We cannot make a list, and check it twice to create the man we want, when we haven’t taken the time to familiarize ourselves with God’s standard. If we look on the outward appearances and bank accounts we’ll more than likely be deceived because appearances and bank statuses change.

God is preparing the man whose heart won’t change towards Him or you. Be patient. Change your words and make your requests known to God, instead of speak negatively about wanting a mate and praying in secret for God to bring you one. Make up your mind, pray, and wait.

Philippians 4:6; “Be anxious for nothing, but in everything by prayer and supplication, with thanksgiving, let your request be made known to God”

Marquisha Harden is a Florida native seeking to encourage using her God given talents of listening, speaking, writing, and acting to lead others to Christ. She recently earned her Bachelor's degree in Criminal justice and welcomes the charge to learn to do right, seek justice, defend the oppressed, take up the cause for the fatherless, & plead for the case of the widow, as stated in Isaiah 1:17. She is eagerly learning to trust God in all things and welcomes the journey he has anointed her to take!